Your words are poison. . .

Hidden talents are not always good ones, I appear to have an ex who is some sort of shark when it comes to my life- he can smell blood in the water of my life and moves in for the kill-

Case in point about school. . .have not found it necessary to tell the kids when they talk to him to not say things, just got used to the whole "how are you, fine, ok, good, ok here's _____, repeat" 5 seconds per kid and parenting is done! So did not say a thing about funding. . .wanted it to stay that way, knowing it would give him unimaginable ideas. . .

Yep

Walking in to the house this week, I hear them on the phone and Cocoa says "she's trying to figure out how to pay for school next year"

OMG NO

Yep, he knows now, and is having a lot of fun with it. . .some of the lowlights

"told you this would never happen"

"knew you'd screw up"

"hope you find a way to hold it all together when I am not supporting your worthless ass anymore"

"bitch, it was just not meant to be" (yes, he imagines it is "hip and edgy" to use such terms)

"maybe if you would be NICE to me for a change(ya, it's that sick) I'd help you out"

I'd rather buy food for the kids and starve than go that route. . .

And people wonder why I don't believe in G-d as I once did. . .this man is going to be the death of me and the one way I know will shut him the fuck up is in doubt, because I know if I leave I will not go back. Plus I no longer have the illusion that I have plenty of time to live my life. . .since I know life may have other plans for me. . .

Has my life bottomed out yet. . .omg I hope so. . .

Some things are certain-
I am not as strong as I thought I was
I have not recovered as much as I thought I had
I am still afraid
I am further from peace than ever before
I was married to a very cruel person who is not done using what he learned to destroy what's left of me.

Somethings are not-
Will I make it through one more time?
What will I have to do to get there?
Is it worth it?
Am I?