Precious will be sporting a new look soon. . . stay tuned!!!!
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Guess I still have the B.A.M.F. going on. . .
My G-D, he is just DELICIOUS. . .to look at! I guess I have never gotten over my love of the bad ass mo fo type, ever since POTC came out, Johnny Depp's fault, LOVE the whole dark hair, eyeliner, tattooed bad ass!!!!!!
This is the keyboardist for my new music obsession-Nightwish- this band has singlehandedly gotten me through this stats class from hell!!!!
He is SOOOOO hot, very un Rainmomlike. . .but hey, I am only human. . .:)
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
When I'm feeling blue. . .
All I have to do, is take a look at you, then I am not so blue. . .I am thankful for the children I have, the life I have, no matter what:)
Happy Holidays from under the umbrella!
Happy Holidays from under the umbrella!
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Trying to "get on with it"
So hard, with everything I have going. . .against me, I am really in a crappy place right now- hard to be there for my kids, hope I do not let Jen's kids down. . .parties to plan, and days to celebrate.
Spent the weekend hanging out with the kids and working on stats. Got the lit review and the initial analysis done for the paper, I am doing ordinal logistic regression, and my significance sucks, my brant test gives me this weird error message- and I am guessing it is just a rookie stata mistake that Nancmat will no doubt announce to the class should I venture to approach her about it. . .I just ran the mlogit. . .to hell with it.
Really quite liberating- no matter what I do, I am screwed, so why not kick up? Whooo Hoooo!
Spent the weekend hanging out with the kids and working on stats. Got the lit review and the initial analysis done for the paper, I am doing ordinal logistic regression, and my significance sucks, my brant test gives me this weird error message- and I am guessing it is just a rookie stata mistake that Nancmat will no doubt announce to the class should I venture to approach her about it. . .I just ran the mlogit. . .to hell with it.
Really quite liberating- no matter what I do, I am screwed, so why not kick up? Whooo Hoooo!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Perspective
Reading over this blog, I am amazed how whiny I can get. . .while it seems like a weird wayt o start out a post- well, here goes
One of Precious's best friends at school is a girl who has the most beautiful hair EVER. She is sweet, nice and a great kid. Her mom died Sunday-36, cancer, she had until Christmas but got pneumonia. So, my friend and fellow mom is gone, and I am whining about stats????
I know in a few weeks, I will slip back into whine mode- bitch about everthing and anything. . .and these kids, beautiful hair, and her sister who is Cocoa's best friend, will still be motherless. I am humbled.
I will miss you Jennifer. I will do what I can to make your girls feel better. Rest in peace.
One of Precious's best friends at school is a girl who has the most beautiful hair EVER. She is sweet, nice and a great kid. Her mom died Sunday-36, cancer, she had until Christmas but got pneumonia. So, my friend and fellow mom is gone, and I am whining about stats????
I know in a few weeks, I will slip back into whine mode- bitch about everthing and anything. . .and these kids, beautiful hair, and her sister who is Cocoa's best friend, will still be motherless. I am humbled.
I will miss you Jennifer. I will do what I can to make your girls feel better. Rest in peace.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
I solemnly swear I am up to no good
So- The wrath of Rainmom unleashed this afternoon. . .solemnly
Let me explain, no, there is too much, let me sum up. . . Precious takes a bus to school, and I was taking him across the street to put him on- his aide who rides the bus with him stands up in the doorway of the bus and starts to "speak" however, I am not quite sure what she is saying, because she is speaking in a VERY disjointed way- it was kind of like she began the conversation before she got to my house, and I was some how supposed to figure out what I had missed. . .AND make a decision about something. . .at 7:55am and coffee free, not a good time.
I also gathered that she wanted to take my picture for some sort of project idea she had gotten from a seminar where A REAL LIVE AUTISTIC PERSON SPOKE. . .puleeeeezzzzze! This crap is getting old, my son is there 3 years now. . .and this is the best they can do? Grrrrrrr! I told her that the doorway to the school bus was really not an appropriate place for such a discussion, and bid her good day. . .
Never mind that she was in direct violation of FERPA, and that the curious parents of the school across the street we treated to a nice look into my son's supposed behavior problems. . . NEVER MIND that what works for one autistic person may not work with another, and NEVER MIND that my son is a person, NOT a diagnosis. . .perish the notion that he needs to have any kind of typical kid privacy. . .I am still so angry angry angry!!!!!
So, I stew all morning. . .and finally, it is time to pick Precious up from school. . .and I am UNLEASHED- laid it out for his actual teacher, who knew NOTHING AT ALL about her little plan of action, and I told him that I was BEYOND angry and that I really felt insulted as she seemed to really have no understanding of my son's rights. . .blah blah bitch bitch. . .so we shall see. . . RAINMOM MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let me explain, no, there is too much, let me sum up. . . Precious takes a bus to school, and I was taking him across the street to put him on- his aide who rides the bus with him stands up in the doorway of the bus and starts to "speak" however, I am not quite sure what she is saying, because she is speaking in a VERY disjointed way- it was kind of like she began the conversation before she got to my house, and I was some how supposed to figure out what I had missed. . .AND make a decision about something. . .at 7:55am and coffee free, not a good time.
I also gathered that she wanted to take my picture for some sort of project idea she had gotten from a seminar where A REAL LIVE AUTISTIC PERSON SPOKE. . .puleeeeezzzzze! This crap is getting old, my son is there 3 years now. . .and this is the best they can do? Grrrrrrr! I told her that the doorway to the school bus was really not an appropriate place for such a discussion, and bid her good day. . .
Never mind that she was in direct violation of FERPA, and that the curious parents of the school across the street we treated to a nice look into my son's supposed behavior problems. . . NEVER MIND that what works for one autistic person may not work with another, and NEVER MIND that my son is a person, NOT a diagnosis. . .perish the notion that he needs to have any kind of typical kid privacy. . .I am still so angry angry angry!!!!!
So, I stew all morning. . .and finally, it is time to pick Precious up from school. . .and I am UNLEASHED- laid it out for his actual teacher, who knew NOTHING AT ALL about her little plan of action, and I told him that I was BEYOND angry and that I really felt insulted as she seemed to really have no understanding of my son's rights. . .blah blah bitch bitch. . .so we shall see. . . RAINMOM MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Are mothers allowed to despair?
"We have followed you thus far, you have not led us astray. Forgive me, I was wrong to despair" Legolas-LOTRTT
My recent life events have led to the above question- are mothers allowed to despair? In public? Is stoic despair, away from the prying eyes of others ok? Or are mothers the ultimate suck it up folks? Dads are excluded from the discussion based on the gender expectation default with has men limited to despair for the most innocuous of reasons, sports, work, ED etc.
Can mothers despair? Can they give up? Can they EVER throw up their hands and say FUCK IT!?
As someone who has had people in her life who committed suicide, I have been very confused as to how the despair a person feels could actually cause them to kill themselves. I have always been a "this too shall pass" kind of person.
A certain professor has made the level of despair I have ever felt up to this point seem like childhood folly. Autism dx was easier to handle than this woman's class- at least with autism, I had help, and Paris is a doll, no matter what. I seriously doubt that I can pass the class, and it will not be because I do not understand stats. She has crushed me at every turn, and has continued to humiliate me in class. . .and the thought of flunking this class and 1. leaving school, or 2. having to take it OVER makes me wonder, guiltily, if this is really all worth it. Not living, no, I am not planning to off myself, but whether or not I should even be in grad school. I am SO PISSED that my chance of continuing in school is hinged on this class. I am doing better than I ever thought I would. . .but it is such a bitter pill to have to swallow to realize that my improvement is not even basic compentency to her. I know my other stats classes were not up to her standards, but I have been doing well on the interpretation, just not the write ups, so the fact that I understand ordinal regressions is not evident, and I am not supposed to go to her with these basic problem/ things according to the syllabus, sigh. I do not feel like I can go to her for help, she sets off all these "get the fuck away from me, loser" vibes when she enters the room. . .woe is me. Despair. . .or is it? Am I allowed? Is the mom role ever going to allow that. . .especially for a mom who has sacrificed so much of her time that SHE should have been spending with her children!!?? Is there a Jewish equivlent to a patron saint for hopeless causes?? Hmmmm, must find out!
I know stats is an important thing, I am not saying she is not smart, she is very good at her work, and I would not ever say differently. I just do not get this hostility. Oh, well, I will have a long time to think about the lack of direction in my life if she flunks me, I am in despair, and it feels pretty shitty! I hope this too passes. . .and I do too, stats that is!
My recent life events have led to the above question- are mothers allowed to despair? In public? Is stoic despair, away from the prying eyes of others ok? Or are mothers the ultimate suck it up folks? Dads are excluded from the discussion based on the gender expectation default with has men limited to despair for the most innocuous of reasons, sports, work, ED etc.
Can mothers despair? Can they give up? Can they EVER throw up their hands and say FUCK IT!?
As someone who has had people in her life who committed suicide, I have been very confused as to how the despair a person feels could actually cause them to kill themselves. I have always been a "this too shall pass" kind of person.
A certain professor has made the level of despair I have ever felt up to this point seem like childhood folly. Autism dx was easier to handle than this woman's class- at least with autism, I had help, and Paris is a doll, no matter what. I seriously doubt that I can pass the class, and it will not be because I do not understand stats. She has crushed me at every turn, and has continued to humiliate me in class. . .and the thought of flunking this class and 1. leaving school, or 2. having to take it OVER makes me wonder, guiltily, if this is really all worth it. Not living, no, I am not planning to off myself, but whether or not I should even be in grad school. I am SO PISSED that my chance of continuing in school is hinged on this class. I am doing better than I ever thought I would. . .but it is such a bitter pill to have to swallow to realize that my improvement is not even basic compentency to her. I know my other stats classes were not up to her standards, but I have been doing well on the interpretation, just not the write ups, so the fact that I understand ordinal regressions is not evident, and I am not supposed to go to her with these basic problem/ things according to the syllabus, sigh. I do not feel like I can go to her for help, she sets off all these "get the fuck away from me, loser" vibes when she enters the room. . .woe is me. Despair. . .or is it? Am I allowed? Is the mom role ever going to allow that. . .especially for a mom who has sacrificed so much of her time that SHE should have been spending with her children!!?? Is there a Jewish equivlent to a patron saint for hopeless causes?? Hmmmm, must find out!
I know stats is an important thing, I am not saying she is not smart, she is very good at her work, and I would not ever say differently. I just do not get this hostility. Oh, well, I will have a long time to think about the lack of direction in my life if she flunks me, I am in despair, and it feels pretty shitty! I hope this too passes. . .and I do too, stats that is!
Fall pictures and One small show, one GIANT LEAP for Precious!
Some recent fall pictures, notice the costumes changed on Halloween. . .Unicorn, Ninja. . .sigh
About this weekend
Ok, the Wiggles show was ok, I mean as far as what they did, it was kind of cool. They are not the sickeningly sweet fake everything is great type of performers. . .they are not taking themselves too seriously, but they are REALLY good at working the crowd. . .and seem very genuine in how they interact with the kids.
BUT- THAT IS NOT THE BEST PART, that they did not suck is not the big news. . .and I have a new and spectacular reason for loving this group of men. . .Precious had THE. BEST. TIME. EVER!!!!!!!
I actually cried during the show, but not for the reason you may think. . .my son, the autistic kid, changed in front of me. . .he became a typical kid watching the Wiggles. And, when the rest of the kids around him, including Butter and Cocoa got up to dance. . .HE DID TOO!! I have this GLORIOUS video of him watching his sibilings and COPYING THEM!!!! WITHOUT BEING TOLD. . . .OMFG!!!!!!
I have NEVER been so in awe of conformity, and if you knew me, you would be impressed!
He had a great time, Rainmom cried, and all was good!
M
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Some comments
About the letter in the paper- the usual crap, but ok here they are so far
>>This sounds like a good charitable cause. Rather than rely on government, it would be far more worthwhile to NOT INCREASE taxes to cover this burden, but rather CUT TAXES so that individuals have more power to direct their dollars to how they want to spend them. Today, too much tax money is spent on nonessentials -- everyone's wasteful wish list. We are a society of waste because people complaint they have to pay for this or that on their own. IF YOU WANT IT, PAY FOR IT. That way people have money left at the end of the day for what THEY DETERMINE is important to them.<<
And this
>>...and the budget fails to help in many other places as well. That can be an entire issue of the Press, so everybody write in what you want the money for. I'm sorry your special interest didn't make it passed this year's cuts; maybe next time.<<
To which I replied:
Hey clueless ones! If you actually read the letter, you would see that this proposal was NOT ASKING FOR TAXES, it was asking the health insurance industry to STOP disallowing EXPENSES for their insured children. Just as well baby/child exams, immunizations and screenings were all changed from uncovered to covered, insurance companies would cover the illness but not the shot to prevent it, that changed and this provision was actually meant to REMOVE the burden from Wisconsin tax payers and start requiring insurance companies to help families. . .right now, many insurance companies are not paying for the treatment. Mine does, so my son is not a "special cause worthy of tax dollars" and if you read the letter, and had accurate information you would have seen that the letter stated I was not including my son. . . Removing this item meant two things- Insurance companies could elect to NOT cover treatment, and shifted the costs to those on the state program. . .meaning I am paying the co pay on my son, the insurance premiums, AND taxes for those who have no insurance or who have insurance that doesn't cover costs who are on the state dole. So, ignorant ones, you who blather on about taxes- HE removed direct tax relief from the budget. . .so enjoy contining to pay for those that insurance companies are allowed by state law to REFUSE to cover:) You are all idiots or confused- you whine about taxes and then are unable to comprehend the contents of a short letter outlining the lost opportunity to lower the amount of tax dollars used when insurance companies should be covering these costs. Here's my wishlist you jags 1. I want all insurance companies to pay for all costs of care, and I want them to do it now- If they refuse, I want them to offer a good reason why. . .to the state, who will then decide if the reason is good enough. Get a clue and get mad, there may be a medical condition in your future that YOUR insurance will not pay for. . .<<
Such idiots!!!
Rainmom MAD!
>>This sounds like a good charitable cause. Rather than rely on government, it would be far more worthwhile to NOT INCREASE taxes to cover this burden, but rather CUT TAXES so that individuals have more power to direct their dollars to how they want to spend them. Today, too much tax money is spent on nonessentials -- everyone's wasteful wish list. We are a society of waste because people complaint they have to pay for this or that on their own. IF YOU WANT IT, PAY FOR IT. That way people have money left at the end of the day for what THEY DETERMINE is important to them.<<
And this
>>...and the budget fails to help in many other places as well. That can be an entire issue of the Press, so everybody write in what you want the money for. I'm sorry your special interest didn't make it passed this year's cuts; maybe next time.<<
To which I replied:
Hey clueless ones! If you actually read the letter, you would see that this proposal was NOT ASKING FOR TAXES, it was asking the health insurance industry to STOP disallowing EXPENSES for their insured children. Just as well baby/child exams, immunizations and screenings were all changed from uncovered to covered, insurance companies would cover the illness but not the shot to prevent it, that changed and this provision was actually meant to REMOVE the burden from Wisconsin tax payers and start requiring insurance companies to help families. . .right now, many insurance companies are not paying for the treatment. Mine does, so my son is not a "special cause worthy of tax dollars" and if you read the letter, and had accurate information you would have seen that the letter stated I was not including my son. . . Removing this item meant two things- Insurance companies could elect to NOT cover treatment, and shifted the costs to those on the state program. . .meaning I am paying the co pay on my son, the insurance premiums, AND taxes for those who have no insurance or who have insurance that doesn't cover costs who are on the state dole. So, ignorant ones, you who blather on about taxes- HE removed direct tax relief from the budget. . .so enjoy contining to pay for those that insurance companies are allowed by state law to REFUSE to cover:) You are all idiots or confused- you whine about taxes and then are unable to comprehend the contents of a short letter outlining the lost opportunity to lower the amount of tax dollars used when insurance companies should be covering these costs. Here's my wishlist you jags 1. I want all insurance companies to pay for all costs of care, and I want them to do it now- If they refuse, I want them to offer a good reason why. . .to the state, who will then decide if the reason is good enough. Get a clue and get mad, there may be a medical condition in your future that YOUR insurance will not pay for. . .<<
Such idiots!!!
Rainmom MAD!
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