Faces

Love that sweet face. . .

Happy girl. . .

That's not what Martha's looks like. . .

Ice Ice Butter. . .

Yep- that is the look we are going for. . .

A Very Jewish Christmas. . .

Lots of fits and starts. . .

Let's start with the Gingerbread House- Martha believes it serves as the centerpiece of so many festive holiday events. . .but I could not see paying for the 'luxe version- Martha and I found the 7 dollar version at Walmart- Visions of THIS Sugar plum Danced all over my medulla oblongata. . .

This is what actually danced across my table. . .um, I mean this is how it turned out. . .

No your eyes are not playing tricks. . .everything is oozing to the right. . .not sure why, could not get a contractor to the house for this confection emergency. . ."we have Jew trying to put up a gingerbread house. . .call in the second shift, we are in for a loooong night..."

This was my pathetic attempt to mimic

This lovely Martha approved version of the family tree. . .

On the plus side, all my cookies came out well, dinner was turkey and it was great. . .but this whole Charlie Brownstein Christmas was very very hard to do from scratch and the Internet. . . I never did get the "lovely lace encrusted tree skirt" for 29.99. and I forgot about a stand and the garland, having bought tinsel until Martha gently and genteelly admonished me, informing me that tinsel was not for artificial trees. . .cannot get it off. . .looks bad. . .

Happy Christmas was had by all, but it was WORK:)

Oh, woe betide me. . .I was not born with Martha's flair. . .I only have 15 pieces of flair, and my kids own 3/5 of it:)

Happy New Year to you all. . .

The anti Martha- Christmas 2008 AKA Mission Impossible...

..................Your mission, Rainmom, and you have to accept it is to . . .create a holiday you have no real attachment to, and make it authentic, tasty, and MERRY. . . or your parental status will self destruct in no time flat. . . .good luck!

Yeah, thanks for that. . .

In trying to figure this all out, I turned to bitter enemy, Nemesis for the ages, that paragon of domestic perfection. . .Martha Stewart. . .and I began to plan this holiday.

In no other human being can you find the level of superficial perfection with so little substance- Martha is a standard that cannot be matched, so I internalized Martha and began to plan my Fauxmas . . .

After gently telling me that a "Happy Hanukkah Jesus" would not be apropos. . .and after talking me down off the top shelf of "holiday essential oil lamps" My inner Martha took me shopping until we dropped. . .or went broke.

Had we shopped where my inner Martha wanted to. . .Bed Bath and Beyond Expensive, or Yonkers that is expensive, we would have dropped at the threshold without buying an entire gift (all my money could have bought about a third of a lovely twin set. . .size 6 months) so we went to Tar'get and 'Walmart. . .and after my inner Martha overcame discount shopping induced hyperventilation with a paper bag (100 for 75 cents) we were off.

Store bought cookies? Perish the thought said Martha. Go to my website and get the recipe for my cookies and Royal icing. . .FINE Martha. . .

Paper table cloth? OMG! Martha found a lovely festive linen one. . .$12.99- Oh Holy NIGHT, is that a fudge making kit? NOT ON YOUR JEW LIFE screeched Martha- $15 and change for all of the stuff to make fudge from scratch. . .dammit!

paper plates- nope place settings for 8 for $20.00, complete with "tasteful but festive" motif. . .which will look a bit odd in July, but so be it. . .

CUPS? I would not be spared- Martha opted for cheerful Santa /Snowmen mugs. . .$8.00 a piece. . .

Home again, and I now have about 8 hours of "preparation" for the "holiday gaiety"

Total for Christmas purchases- about 100 dollars for real not Rainman reference

Martha inspired/assisted Christmas-pricey. . .um priceless

Happy Christmas to all from under the umbrella!

Second Night

Cocoa helping Precious

Such a SHAYNAH MAIDEL!

Latkes and. . .

Some fun with Puppy and Butter

More snow still to come. . .

Blessed Blessed times for you all during this season. . .

Lots of Love from Under the Umbrella :)

Time to catch up

So- the semester winds down- well, to be honest, with the amount of reading I have been doing- it seems like play, over all one of the best semesters I have had in awhile. So, it keeping my promise to post at length about a few things here we go;

A month ago, a terrorist attack shook many in the Jewish world- the attack on the Chabad House in Mumbai, India, and the Jewish victims found by the Indian police were described as such; "Of all the bodies, the Israeli victims bore the maximum torture marks," a doctor who performed a post-mortem told the Indian news website Rediff.com. "It was clear that they were killed on Friday. It was obvious that they were tied up and tortured before they were killed. It was so bad that I do not want to go over the details even in my head again," he said.

Another doctor commented, "It was very strange. I have seen so many dead bodies in my life, and was yet traumatized. A bomb blast victim´s body might have been torn apart and could be a very disturbing sight. But the bodies of the victims in this attack bore such signs about the kind of violence of urban warfare that I am still unable to put my thoughts to words," he said. Intelligence officials confirmed the doctors´ observations. Ajmal Kamal, the only terrorist who was not killed after he and his gang had managed to murder nearly 200 people and wound hundreds others, told officials that the terrorists "were specifically asked to target the foreigners, especially the Israelis." One doctor told Rediff it was certain that most if not all of the Israelis were killed on or before Friday. Intelligence Bureau sources were quoted as estimating that the terrorists did not want to keep them alive in order not to attract international attention.

Horrific doesn't even begin to describe this event, that STILL stings and wounds my heart. For a very personal reason, Chabad House saved my life, literally- and that of my oldest son.

Alone, teenaged, and pregnant-having lost my place in the family home, no job, no help, I was at rock bottom. Many cities, in many years, first for the military, then for work meant I had no real and true support system of any kind. Until I was saved by Chabad, literally. No questions asked, I was taken into the house, fed, given clothes, and care. With their support and good deeds, my baby and I survived until I could work, after I turned 16, and eventually I got back on my feet in time to welcome my son, born 6 weeks early, but healthy.

Yes, the gender issues with this level of Jewish observance do offend the more enlightened, and I count myself among them, until I actually met them, and the wholesale dismissal of these wonderful people over that issue is a huge disservice. . .to the enlightened. The World to Come is for those who allow their deeds to shine on the world, and Chabad actually walks the walk of living a Jewish life. Chabad's people are more than just gender stratified Jews. . .and their kindness had an immediate and lasting impact on my life.

Those murdered in India were there in the service of G-d and fellow human beings, and they died for that mission- and my heart breaks every time I think of it. For the victims of Chabad house in Mumbai, I say Kaddish- and I know my prayers will be heard;

Glorified and sanctified be G-d's great name throughout the world which He has created according to His will.

May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon; and say,

Amen.

May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity. Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say,

Amen.

May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us and for all Israel; and say,

Amen.

He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all Israel; and say,

Amen.

Light the Menorah. . .It's Hanukhah!

Latkas and Cocoa

Precious

First Night. . .

Have a blessed season. . .we had an AMAZING first night of Hanukhah. . .latkas were delicious and we had a great time. . .

Seether(ing) emotions

Breakdown lyrics
The sun is gone and the flowers rot
Words are spaces between us
And I should've been drown in the rivers I've found of token lost
And I should've been down when you made me insecure
So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than meets the eye
And I'm the one you can never trust
'cause wounds are ways to reveal us
And yeah I could have tried and devoted my life to both of us
But what a waste of my time when the world we have is yours
So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than all your lies
Hate me, break me down
So break me down
So break me down
So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than meets the eye

Hunkering Down in the best kind of way!

I am reading my little head off and loving every minute of it- between ILLAD and going to the library. . .I am in a really awesome place right now-

Let me make a dent in this reading and I will bring back to the posts I have been alluding to. . .

Chabad Massacre

Kids and Christian holidays with Jew parents. . .

and OF course my latest round with the principal. .for those keepong score;

Rainmom- 15

Principal- Zero

New week, new fun :)

So, last minute additions to premil list, and hopefully a go- and the COLD- reminds me of the places we used to live in while I was growing up. . .

Drafty cold and freezing, don't want my pant legs to touch my legs.. . .brrrrr


Stay warm!

Ahhhhh, Shabbat. . .

Shalom to you all. . .my family and I are snuggled in for the weekend. . .good wishes to you all

End of the semester insanity

Well- it is that time again. . .but somehow not as bad. . .the snow day helped SO much, and I am still stressing, but ok.

My prelim reading list that went to NYC came back with the comment that it was a "comprehensive list" . . .which is I guess good, Thanks Amanda:)

So, I am hoping that I will be taking my exam in May. . .wow, scared. . .but thrilled! KIA is finishing as well, and his first semester was a LOT harder than he thought it would be. . .a painful, but helpful lesson for him!

More later time to make some supper:)

Yes, I know about the Chicago/Obama thing. . .

I am not ready to comment. . .still a bit muddy on the details and such. . .so, we shall see. . .

Let it snow let it snow. . .WOW the SNOW!!!

Without the flash

With the flash

City street

Snow GLOBE!!!!

My GOODNESS!!! The snow started yesterday at about noon. . .and it has not stopped yet. We are buried and loving it a LOT.

Went for a walk last night, school is closed today, and baking and cooking are going on as we speak. The pictures are from the walk. . .Casey and I went, and it was like walking in a snow globe.

We are all snug and warm, Rainmom went shopping yesterday to stock up. . .and we are having a wonderful snow day!!!

Seems so long ago- but it comes up

Now- as I try to get my committee together, I remember. . .there was someone I thought should be on it- and she is not, for a reason that became one of those life altering moments. . .

I shall explain- Back in 2005, an instructor I have know since undergrad(which for me is 2002) was having a party at her "estate." When I got the e mailed invitation and saw who was invited, I assumed I was invited in error, and deleted the message. This instructor approached me in the hall and was insistent that I should attend. I scrambled to make arrangements for childcare, feeling QUITE important, so very proud, and daydreaming about the supposed status as "promising doctoral student" ready to be feted around. . .and was CRUSHED and HUMILIATED beyond belief when I arrived at the estate. . .dressed for the party. . .and told I would be serving the drinks, thus saving said instructor A TON OF MONEY(so she said) and well, I heard I was thanked during some conversation, I did not hear it, as I was dealing with a red wine spill in the sun room(honest to G-D, I was!!!!!)

Wow, what a night. So, I hung out with the caterers, got asked to serve at another function (complete with business card) and cried myself home. . .not a penny offered, even for gas! So, the relationship was a bit strained. . .at least on my end. She asked me to code some data for her as an overload, since I had a 50% appointment already, because she was off to England(hence the trans Atlantic), she apparently was unhappy with my refusal to work MORE than the 10 extra hours. . .and was rather put out.

I did not realize HOW put out until the next time I saw her, after her return- when I saw her between classes, and she did not return my greeting-despite having seen me. . .no big deal, but then, so ridiculous. . .I had to see another prof down the hall from her, walked by her office twice, the second time, while I was passing, she SLAMMED the door as I went by looking right at me!Alllllllllrighty then, I guess I will not be asked back to serve at HER estate again- which, of course, cuts me sooooooo deep. . .NOT!

So, it has been almost 4 years since this happened, and this, along with 2007's stats hell- yeah, it's here, go look at September, October, November and December 2007. . .the pain, the horror, the Nancmat. . .and now, I hope it will be in the hands of my trusty committee, chair, and my own speed to get the rest of the way to dissertation. . .I hope.

Happy Birthday Precious!!!

Carefully now

Counting out 9 candles. . .

9 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW!

First things first, it was been an interesting 9 years, baby. I mean that in the most incredible way- you have brought so much light and love to my life, and I cannot believe that we have come this far.

For the first time since you were diagnosed, I have a sense of calm, peace about your future, Precious. I look into your eyes when we are talking about things, and after about 5 minutes of conversation, I realize we are having a conversation, the two of us, just like any mother and son would. . .and I almost cry. . .but because I am happy, not because I do not know what to do.

I remember so well, how all of that felt, getting into grad school- Master's not doctoral, being so excited, and that diagnosis hit like a ton of bricks. The flailing around in the red tape nightmare, trying to get some sense of how I was going to get all of this done AND graduate. . .I know, selfish, but hey, it was a challenge I had to deal with, and you have to know by now, your mom is all about proving people wrong about dire situations and impossibilities. . .I do not always win, but I have never quit.

And we did not, ever quit, did we kiddo? I pushed, you pulled. I shoved, you dug in, and bit by bit, I got through to you, and now, at 9 years old, I have every hope that the life you lead as an adult will include a partner, maybe children. . .but you will have so many options open to you, because of that miracle that has come over the past few years- your ability to communicate. From teaching you sign language, to PECs to computer assisted learning, to full on, full bore sentences that just blow me away. . .I actually had to tell you to "pipe down" on Monday. . .WOW, you are talking so much I have to shush you!!!

You are afraid of storms and rain, you come to me at night for comfort after "bad dreams" you describe perfectly your needs and wants, you ASKED FOR SPECIFIC PRESENTS FOR TODAY- YOU ATE CAKE TODAY. . .for the first time ever. You are Precious, and today for the first time I feel like I made the right choice for how we would take this road, together, and with some very clear assumptions.

You were Precious, an autistic kid, not an autistic kid named Precious. You would be expected to do everything your brothers and sister did, without exception, unless otherwise excused. . .I have yet to find one. You would be treated like any other kid, chores, and such, with the point being that no matter what, you would be capable until proven otherwise.

Potty training, new foods, new schools, new places, new people, all of these things, you had to deal with. I carried you out of places when you refused to walk, and MADE you walk when you tried to squirm out. . .you did not get away with much, well, except for some in your life who wanted to treat you as 'special' in the sense that they assumed the worst, and I would not accept that. The fights with the school, with family, with myself, and all the while just trying to keep the rain from getting too much on all of us, baby I am so proud of you today, and every day. When I say I love you, and you say it back, I know you know what it means- it means I am here when you are afraid, I am behind you when you try, I catch you when you fall, dust you off and send you back out to try again, I am your cheerleader, your taskmaster, your harshest critic, and your biggest fan. . .I am your Ema. . .and I love you.

From the Office of "No, REALLY????"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,459644,00.html

Wow, really??

You would think that with insurance companies helping. . .wait. . .

with the understanding social institutions like the schools. . .umm

With all of the families with special needs or any kids friendly workplaces. . .um no. . .

Yeah, what a shocking finding. . .

The slippery Slope to the end of the semester

Waiting for cake!

Fun and games. . .or not. . .

My sweeties- Precious and KIA

First snow of the season. . .Casey is EXCITED!

So many things coming due at once. . .but a light at the end of the stress tunnel. . .very very deceptive. . .I think I am almost done, but I have a ton to do. . .story of my semester!

Some pictures, and lots of details to follow, but for now I have to daydream about my prelims and reading and reading and reading!!

Happy Birthday, my little November Woman!!

2 weeks old

2 years old

5 years old

7 years old yesterday!

How on EARTH can you be 7 years old already?? My shayna, you are a never ending source of pride and joy for me, and I am so blessed to have you as a daughter!

We had a great Shabbos birthday, did we not? With both of our birthdays on the same day always, I will always pave the way for our special days in November. . .you are the best birthday present I EVER go, sweetheart. . .even if you were exactly 1 week late for my birthday:)

Love you, sweetheart.

Ema

Z'l and Gottenyu!

http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1227702336066&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull


With an aching heart, I am sad to report that the attack on the Chabad House in India has resulted in the deaths of the rabbi, rabbizim, and 3 others. Their 2 year old son was rescued, and the early reports are that this was a deliberate attack on Jews in India.

Dayan Emes.

I will post later on the wonderful contacts I have had with this group, but my heart is hurting so much- the terror and horror they must felt. . .how that open door aided in their murder. . .I cannot find the words to express my shock and horror. All I can say is Dayan Emes and say Kaddish

MOURNER'S KADDISH

An English Translation

Glorified and sanctified be G-d's great name throughout the world which He has created according to His will.

May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon; and say, Amen.

May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity. Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say, Amen.

May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.

He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.

Thankfulness to the infinity

Happy Holidays to you all!

A Disturbed Moment for the newly single gal. . .

This Moment lyrics
You will remember this moment
As you dig into me
And from your smile now
It seems as if you liked it
You'd better cherish this moment
As you dig into me
You'll never get another chance at this
I won't stand another minute
Of your questioning me
You hear me, stop
The interrogations over
I can't handle the feeling
Of your pestering me
How would you like
To meet my favourite fist
No you can't renege
I love to see you beg
Dream this moment as you run away
You will only separate me from
All I believe this moment
It will tell the way
You're the one who on kept on pushing
Til I made you leave
It seems your pride has been stolen
Since you stood up to me
I'll tell you now you know I think
I Really like it
So learn a lesson from someone
Who will never repeat the many
Tragic mistakes of her past
I hope you savor this moment
As you're still on your feet
So keep it quiet now
I think you're gonna like it
Words have consequences when
They're spoken to me
You better be careful when you're writing checks
Don't you question how
I stand above you
Now you know the answer
Save yourself from danger
I cannot forget how all of this began
I know you know the answers
Save yourself from danger
Beaten by a stranger
Blood still on his hands
Dream this moment as I run away
You will only separate me from all that I believe
Dream this moment for eternity- you're the one one who kept on pushing
Till I made you leave

Not just a pub in Dublin. . .

Sigh- had a frustrating day. . .but in a good way, does that make sense?

So, another draft of my prelim. . and what I thought was talk of a meeting with the rest of my committee. . .ummm nope, knob that I am!

I was supposed to let them know that I was going to give them my reading lists. . .OH SNAP!

So, a frantic e mailed correction later and. . .viola. . .I look like an ass. . .yay!

Sigh- then, I have to run home to get Precious home and quick run into the store. . .20 something CHILD. . .outside the store walking. . .I go running toward the door, literally, so I am not late for Precious. . .and he looks at my chest and says "nice knockers, for an old broad"

EXCUSE ME???

Said child must have seen something amiss and scary in my gaze. . .he beat a hasty retreat to his car. Wise move, I must say. . .

I am the knob. . .with . . .well, you get the point. . .grrrrrr

I cannot wait!!!!!

Ramblings of a November woman

Nothing like a birthday to bring out the introspection. . .wait. . . what is "introspection" when it is no longer in. . .:)


But seriously- having a birthday is all it takes for people, well some, to think about things. . .take stock, and well, apart from New Year's resolutions. . .it is a much more personal focus- here it is the anniversary of your birth. . .what have YOU done for the world?

Well, hmmm, what HAVE I done? What have I NOT done. . .I guess this year, I can say a few different things than before;

I have learned that parenting now is really not any different than before. . .odd, but I just never realized how much was on me. . .and how much was not. I refrain from stooping to a level unbecoming an academic, for the kids, but well you get the point. . .the whole "you are on your own. . .well, not a big difference from before.

I learned that I am the wrong kind of feminist this year- that to not savage someone personally for their political/ differences, to demand verification, and the refusal to blithely pass along lies via reflector e mail/listservs can cost you friends. . .and a lot more. Someone from school wants to read this, before I would have had no problem, but now? I am seriously afraid to let them. . .sad, but true. I have no other outlet for these things, the blog as personal refuge for this mom, and I am not sure what I will do. . .but I resent like hell that I am feeling bad in the first place. Damn, guess I have not come that far along. . .

I realized that I will always be Rainmom, that Precious will always have the autism issue, and so long as he has it, so will I- oh, that school situation? Demands a post of its own. . .with the Coparent. . .from Napa Valley. . .comes from grapes. . .in a glass. . .:)


I learned that as much as I miss my parents, I never really knew them as well as my kids know me. They have a really different parenting structure than I had, not sure if that is bad or good- but nevertheless- as much as I miss my parents, I missed the chance to ever really grow old with them. My dad has been dead for almost 15 years- and I was 15 years too late to try to not only understand him, but to know him as well. . .I knew only so much about his life- I wish I could have the chance to sit down with him and really talk- as only someone as old as I am now can. . .I wish I could have had the chance to be an adult with my parents.

I wish my kids had more family- when I think about my upbringing, I remember the house swamped for all the holidays- and rooms crammed wall to wall with people. . .floors with sleeping bags, mattresses. . .the house stuffed to the top. My kids? We do not even have a core group of friends to hang out with- I wish we could have had more family for longer. . .Butter, Precious, and Cocoa do not remember their Bubbe, and non of my kids remember their Zaydie, my dad.

But, I also remember how I would wonder, especially as I got older, what it would be like to be a mom- and I can now say that being a mom is better and worse than I ever thought possible. Better in that you realize a lot of things as a parent that you never did before- like the fact that teaching and learning are life long, ongoing, and an endless source of amazement and fun. That anyone who says that life is boring is so TOTALLY not paying attention, and that kids know more than you do about certain things. . .whether they do or not. . .you just have to roll with it, hope for the best, and be on call for anything. . .which I now know is a perfect situation for this mom- I love every minute with the kids. . .just don't always have the best time. . .just being there is the important thing. . .does that make sense?

There are a TON of things I would change about my life- but they are all pretty cosmetic, I want to work out more, start going out and seeing people, have more of a social life. . .but those are all things that I can change when I want to. . .WHEN IT IS TIME.

Right now? I am content to raise my kids, finish my degree, scrap by, and remain. . .the Mother of all umbrellas.

Shalom- Shavoa Tov

The End of All things. . .

Yummy!

Well, ok, the end of somethings. . .but well, who can resist a good LOTR quote? Certainly not me!


So- about the dissertation. . .good and bad, yin and yang, yay and nay. . .here goes;

The person I was hoping to have on my committee. . .who has said she was open, became closed over the time it took me to get ready to ask her. . .bummer, but Plan B is ok too, and will probably be a better option. . .that's what I keep telling myself anyway!


My printer died, and I am so broke I cannot pay attention. . .so, I am hoping that everyone who wants things from me is willing to print it out for me. . .my birthday is coming, but I am expecting presents that will hang on my frig, not buy a printer. . .:) I am guessing a LOT of turkey hands. . .and some leaves. . .my kids know how much I love fall!

FINALLY everyone is done being sick. . .AND we got the flu shots taken care of too. . .yay me! Dentist appointments next. . .man, going to the dentist sure has changed since I was a kid- I will post some of the pictures from the trip- the office is tricked out CRAZY!!

Here under the umbrella- we are holding our own- hope you all are doing the same!

^%&%$ Disney!

The REAL story is 'unhappily ever after?'

Sigh, maybe, but this poster is a blues chaser for sure! Winter's cold turned to snow today-

Kids- Over the top crazy excited to see it

Me- Supportive and nurturing to the excited kids. . .on the outside. Dreading slippery roads, 2 lane highways, and suicidal deer. . .

Being a grown up

Blessing and curse!

Rock ON Monday!!! :)

Polar Opposites. . .I know

one is North Pole, one is South. . .and bad, bad, BAD PhotoShop. . .but I laughed my fool head off with this one. . .

Reflections and Good Thoughts

Off the Boston Harbor- Salem Ferry

I hope the time has now come to move on, for me anyway, and continue to work toward goals locally, nationally and globally.

Having finally outed myself on matters political and social, and grateful to those who will still call themselves my friends- I hope that everyone can go from here with a bit more understanding and acceptance, myself included.

Time will tell, of course, but the lessons learned, along with the lessons yet to come, make it all worthwhile.

Thanks to all of you who are on this jouney with my family and I. . .the ride is that much better with you all here.

Shalom, Chaverim!

Fire Storm for the Rainmom

Crushing defeat, abject horror, and an impending sense of doom and the stench of failure. . .ok, not that bad, but GOTTENYU, I am tired!! I am getting about 3 hours of sleep a night- with a few all nighters already into the mix. . .I am hoping to get "away" from it all soon- but we will see, I have had NO help in the parenting department since this summer. . .burnout!!!

About school;

The prelim path is going very well- now at the stage where I am ready to get documents, namely my reading lists, to the proper people, for the purpose of getting my questions. . .and then. . .oh then sweeeeeeet archival research if I pass them!!! I am practically drooling over the whole idea of 2 archives to delve into. . . but of COURSE Box 53 from the Sinai Collection will be my first love. . .:)

Another "bake ahead" day tomorrow- I will try to get pictures. On the menu for the week; Meatballs in tomato and also in brown sauce over whole grain noodles, Chicken "mess" a huge favorite, and lasagna, veggie "meat" and gooey cheese. . .yum!

Baked goods include apple and cherry pies, 4 whole wheat loaves of bread, rolls, and of COURSE brownies!

Love how the house smells on Sunday nights!

The other side of the 60s

So- in conversations and in e mails, and in hate mail and in all sorts of ways, some people have been asking me, in various forms, and with vast differences in approach and content-

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU THIS ELECTION?????????

I wish there was another way of explaining this to people- but there is not- the answers my friends, are blowing in the winds of change- so here is the 'reason'

I am a 2nd generation American on my dad's side. His mother came here at 17, and my dad was the first son of the family born in America, and was the model assimilated American. . . to a degree, he was very committed to being a good Jew, but to be a good American, was a key goal, and my siblings and I were raised with that reverence and respect for this country held by people like my dad.

Also, with that experience, my Savta had first hand memories of pogroms, violence against Jews in her homeland, the Ukraine and those stories were not science fiction, not in a galaxy far far away, they were my family's recent history. Google Jews in the Ukraine. . .if you dare.

My dad grew up on the other side of the 60s- the side that so many people tend to revile almost automatically, and demonize as well. My dad fought 2 tours, voluntarily, in Viet Nam as a proud member of the USMC. He learned English, he worked hard, he taught my siblings and I about hard work, sacrifice, hard knocks, and the importance of freedom for all, even those who disagreed with you, but also was thankful for the protection of those rights for everyone, even Jews like his family. Such a far cry from the stereotype Jew ala Seinfeld or Crystal, Spielberg. . .my dad's life story is the stuff Spielberg would write about. . .if he knew about it.

Anyhow-

He taught me to be honest, generous, and he did all of this despite the havoc his mental condition wreaked on our family life. I used to concentrate on all of the things he did wrong, this election showed me what he did right. He stood up for what he believed in, he did not care what people said about him, as long as it was the truth, and his ENTIRE life was spent trying to do his country proud, because he appreciated what a great place America is and was- despite the flaws, and imperfections.

So, to this election- I had really had about enough. I had been encouraged early on to pursue a degree in Sociology by a few of my professors. I thought it would be a great field to explore as well as one that would be open to a vast diversity of ideas and members. Multiculturalism was a very intriguing idea, and I thought that after a lifetime spent in search of an environment where a Midwest born, observant, intermarried, Zionist Jewish mother with the goal of tikkun olam, repairing the world, I had finally found a place where I belonged. . .

Not-

Quite the opposite. My gender was still an issue, when the biggest slacker in my cohort was excused from open house for his D.J. gig and I was told that my "lack of child care was not a valid reason for avoiding my contractual obligations" (yes, Laura, I am STILL bitter- even more so!) I knew that this was not really a brave new world I was entering.

When people would come to me and say "I just do not know HOW you do it" and when they would see that I did better in classes than they did, and mutter to each other about how I was getting breaks for being a mom- when people would look at me and say "well, if YOU can do this school thing, I sure can" and say it often, well, I knew I was still in the same old same old. . .

My religion was not REALLY problem. . .my observance kind of was (most, if not all workshops, conferences, forums etc. held on Saturdays) and well the Zionism? Huge problem. . .unless I was willing to "admit that Israel was to blame". . .which I was not ( I do not buy the "victim hood" status of Hamas and Hiz b' Alla) and so on.

I was shocked at the situation I entered- realized that in order to survive I would have to pretty much keep things like my belief certain things on the down low. And for the most part it was pretty easy to do that, as nothing really got me too angry. . .until the election 2008 disaster.

I will say this right off- I do not give a SHIT what you think about Palin as PERSON. . . NO ONE has the right to do what was done to this woman in this election, period.

What ever do I mean??? This is what I MEAN- the mass e mailed lies and invented "breaking news" the use of the word cunt, the hanging of her effigy from a house, the sexist questions about her clothes, her motherhood issues. . .and the worst? That academics I know and who I sat with in classes, that routinely bemoan the lack of substance or research in their students papers were at the HEAD OF THE PACK on this. . .and it was a real eye opener. That you disagreed with her POLITICALLY was one thing, and there were many debates that could have kept it civil, and on task- but that is not how it went, and the cheering jeering mob attacks on her family, including a Down Syndrome infant were the epitome of hypocracy and an epiphany of sorts. I had assumed that I was an equal in the cohort, in the field, even if I disagreed. It was a shock to discover that equality may have been a myth all along for people like me. . .I will not join a movement to "turn the tables" on a group of people demonized for decades, I will not join the witch hunt.

The kicker- If Obama was in a class of mine, and he handed in his C.V. for grad school and it looked like his campaign- he would not have gone anywhere, period. There would have been no chance in hell of getting into school, of any kind, yet he got the presidency. No transcripts, no LSATS, no previous writing samples, nothing for admission to a college, no way would he get a spot in a freshman class, or a job anywhere. . . .except the Oval Office. After 8 years of attacking someone for being a "stupid, clueless evil monster" we have now elected an intellectual enigma. . .the man behind the curtain remains to be seen, but his friends are sure scary to this Jewish mom. The concentration camp nightmares I had as a child have returned- only now, my children and I are there. . .and I face my greatest fear- the "I do not know WHAT I would have done during the Shoah" question comes to my dreams every night for answers. Nightmares of my father. . .and his family. I am unsure why this has happened, maybe the blind faith and the complete lack of reality checks about Obama- and the behavior of some of his supporters, the questions about his ties to Ayers, secert talks with Hamas, and his weak support of Israel. . .who knows? It is there now- these dreams of being with my children in the camps, and the terror that wakes me up night after night. . .

In addition, his relationships with Ayers and Wright, and the way that people asking questions about his record were wantonly labeled "racist" was a deal killer. The label of "racist" is a stigma of the most vile kind when used as a way of shutting down a debate or discussion. . .this is what happened to me this election.

I was raised by parents on the other side of the 60s, and this election revealed the cracks in the facade of "tolerance"- screw tolerance. From now on, I want equality and acceptance, even if you do not approve of me. I have the right to be who I am, as much as anyone.

That is what happened to me this election- I stopped pretending that it was ok for me to be tolerated- it is time for acceptance. If that is what this election was supposed to be about, that should be no problem. . .as I have vowed to accept the results of this election, period.

So, long story long, but maybe the hate mail will stop. . .now that I have explained it all.

Color me SURPRISED!!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081113/ap_en_tv/palin_hoax


How about that? The story was not vetted, was a fake, and was broadcast unquestioned and well, you see the result. . .thank GOODNESS they did not lie about someone popular with the press. . .oh, wait. . .


Look who is popping up now that the election is over;

http://www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=6243589


Yep, Ayers will now take your questions. . .oh, and here is one that is already answered about his relationship with Obama;

http://www.suntimes.com/news/politics/obama/1278532,bill-ayers-barack-obama-book-111308.article

Ok try to keep up with the spin doctor treatment; over the course of the election Ayers went from "some guy who did some bad things when I was 8" to "some guy in my neighborhood" to "some guy I served on a board with" and with the election over Ayers is now saying;

"We had served together on the board of a foundation, knew one another as neighbors and family friends, held an initial fund-raiser at my house, where I’d made a small donation to his earliest political campaign"


Change!!!

November Rain

Wow- how can this semester be going by so fast!? I am amazed. . .really!


So, the prelim thing is chugging right along, and I am hoping to have big BIG nws to report soon. . .:)


On the homefront-


KIA is well, doing great, and I am glad


Muffin is STILL struggling with many issues, that sadly, I cannot do much about, except offer encouragment, and advice.

Butter is having a GREAT year, by contrast. . . Math skills competition, violin lessons, and making friends. . .he is really growing up this year!


Precious- well, there will be a whole post on the latest drama, I think we have found common ground and respect issues have no been dealt with, so I am sure things will look up, but the path to that place SUCKED. . .


Cocoa- She is also having a break out year! Reading at a 3rd grade level, math at a . . .ready. . .4th grade level. . .they have already started her on advanced math, and she realy seems to love it. I guess the days of "girls just are not good at math" are gone!

Packers- killing me

Bucks- SO killing me

Brewers- C.C. I never got to see ya play! Damn it!

Oh well :)

Overall, things continue on- some really, hmmm, how can I put this, how about "unkind ramifications" of a failing economy have crept even closer to our home. . .and I am looking for ANOTHER part time job to meet the needs of the family!

But, hey, it will be swell, and I will hopefully have awesome news soon about school!

Danny, Jonah, and Dad. . .

Stay safe, Danny and Jonah USMC and USN on active duty, I am one proud sister today and everyday.

Dad, z'l, remembering you today, and your distinguished service in Viet Nam.

G-d Bless America.

Remember Remember the 9th of November

http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1225910066712&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull

Remember Remember the 9th of November,

The genocidal Nazi National plot

I can think of no reason

Humanity's treason should ever be forgot. . .

Dayan emes. . .

Another week begins. . .

Like water and foam in a stream- over the waterfall

My ambition and my strength meld and dissolve

Until November's early winds turn water to ice, and uncertanity to icy resolve.

- The November Woman

I am ready to form my committee. . .I am now ready to sign up for my prelim exam.

I am ready.

The NEW audacity

IS Audacity!!!

http://cjonline.com/stories/110908/loc_353922770.shtml


So forget about all this "Office of the President elect" crap. . .oh you did not hear? There IS NO OFFICE IN THE GOVERNMENT for the "elect" this is a complete fabrication on the Obama camp's part. . .no such thing- but forget about that;

A national holiday???? Why?? What the hell has he done? Not a single thing- unless you count the URGENT way he warned people who voted for him on Tuesday that they should lower their expectations. . .that is wasn't gonna happen overnight. . .that is a different tune he should have been playing all along, but hey it is done.

So, a national holiday for him. . .for what again? Note to Obama Camp- there already IS a national holiday for presidents. . .it is called PRESIDENT'S DAY!

Niiiiice-

Almost as great as the way McCain staffers, with the waters chumed by weeks of Palin Hate, have now went on record. . .well anonymously, to deride Palin and blame her for the loss. . .really. . .no really. . .everyone will believe it. . .the cunt did it, we have to tee shirts to prove it!

Oh, but I digress, there HAS been change already over at the office of the President elect's ego. . .here it is;

http://gatewaypundit.blogspot.com/2008/11/hah-obamas-changegov-caught-changing.html

So it begins. . .sounds a lot like politics as usual, bait and switch. . .but hey, I didn't vote for him. . .

Shabbat Shalom

Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech haolam Asher kid'shanu b'mitzvotav v'zivanu l'hadlik ner shel Shabbat

Blessed are You, Eternal our God, Sovereign of time and space. You hallow us with Your mitzvot and command us to kindle the lights of Shabbat.

G-d help this country survive. . .intact and strong, Amen

As it has been said before;

Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices.
— Voltaire

Scary new world. . .