Faces

Love that sweet face. . .

Happy girl. . .

That's not what Martha's looks like. . .

Ice Ice Butter. . .

Yep- that is the look we are going for. . .

A Very Jewish Christmas. . .

Lots of fits and starts. . .

Let's start with the Gingerbread House- Martha believes it serves as the centerpiece of so many festive holiday events. . .but I could not see paying for the 'luxe version- Martha and I found the 7 dollar version at Walmart- Visions of THIS Sugar plum Danced all over my medulla oblongata. . .

This is what actually danced across my table. . .um, I mean this is how it turned out. . .

No your eyes are not playing tricks. . .everything is oozing to the right. . .not sure why, could not get a contractor to the house for this confection emergency. . ."we have Jew trying to put up a gingerbread house. . .call in the second shift, we are in for a loooong night..."

This was my pathetic attempt to mimic

This lovely Martha approved version of the family tree. . .

On the plus side, all my cookies came out well, dinner was turkey and it was great. . .but this whole Charlie Brownstein Christmas was very very hard to do from scratch and the Internet. . . I never did get the "lovely lace encrusted tree skirt" for 29.99. and I forgot about a stand and the garland, having bought tinsel until Martha gently and genteelly admonished me, informing me that tinsel was not for artificial trees. . .cannot get it off. . .looks bad. . .

Happy Christmas was had by all, but it was WORK:)

Oh, woe betide me. . .I was not born with Martha's flair. . .I only have 15 pieces of flair, and my kids own 3/5 of it:)

Happy New Year to you all. . .

The anti Martha- Christmas 2008 AKA Mission Impossible...

..................Your mission, Rainmom, and you have to accept it is to . . .create a holiday you have no real attachment to, and make it authentic, tasty, and MERRY. . . or your parental status will self destruct in no time flat. . . .good luck!

Yeah, thanks for that. . .

In trying to figure this all out, I turned to bitter enemy, Nemesis for the ages, that paragon of domestic perfection. . .Martha Stewart. . .and I began to plan this holiday.

In no other human being can you find the level of superficial perfection with so little substance- Martha is a standard that cannot be matched, so I internalized Martha and began to plan my Fauxmas . . .

After gently telling me that a "Happy Hanukkah Jesus" would not be apropos. . .and after talking me down off the top shelf of "holiday essential oil lamps" My inner Martha took me shopping until we dropped. . .or went broke.

Had we shopped where my inner Martha wanted to. . .Bed Bath and Beyond Expensive, or Yonkers that is expensive, we would have dropped at the threshold without buying an entire gift (all my money could have bought about a third of a lovely twin set. . .size 6 months) so we went to Tar'get and 'Walmart. . .and after my inner Martha overcame discount shopping induced hyperventilation with a paper bag (100 for 75 cents) we were off.

Store bought cookies? Perish the thought said Martha. Go to my website and get the recipe for my cookies and Royal icing. . .FINE Martha. . .

Paper table cloth? OMG! Martha found a lovely festive linen one. . .$12.99- Oh Holy NIGHT, is that a fudge making kit? NOT ON YOUR JEW LIFE screeched Martha- $15 and change for all of the stuff to make fudge from scratch. . .dammit!

paper plates- nope place settings for 8 for $20.00, complete with "tasteful but festive" motif. . .which will look a bit odd in July, but so be it. . .

CUPS? I would not be spared- Martha opted for cheerful Santa /Snowmen mugs. . .$8.00 a piece. . .

Home again, and I now have about 8 hours of "preparation" for the "holiday gaiety"

Total for Christmas purchases- about 100 dollars for real not Rainman reference

Martha inspired/assisted Christmas-pricey. . .um priceless

Happy Christmas to all from under the umbrella!

Second Night

Cocoa helping Precious

Such a SHAYNAH MAIDEL!

Latkes and. . .

Some fun with Puppy and Butter

More snow still to come. . .

Blessed Blessed times for you all during this season. . .

Lots of Love from Under the Umbrella :)

Time to catch up

So- the semester winds down- well, to be honest, with the amount of reading I have been doing- it seems like play, over all one of the best semesters I have had in awhile. So, it keeping my promise to post at length about a few things here we go;

A month ago, a terrorist attack shook many in the Jewish world- the attack on the Chabad House in Mumbai, India, and the Jewish victims found by the Indian police were described as such; "Of all the bodies, the Israeli victims bore the maximum torture marks," a doctor who performed a post-mortem told the Indian news website Rediff.com. "It was clear that they were killed on Friday. It was obvious that they were tied up and tortured before they were killed. It was so bad that I do not want to go over the details even in my head again," he said.

Another doctor commented, "It was very strange. I have seen so many dead bodies in my life, and was yet traumatized. A bomb blast victim´s body might have been torn apart and could be a very disturbing sight. But the bodies of the victims in this attack bore such signs about the kind of violence of urban warfare that I am still unable to put my thoughts to words," he said. Intelligence officials confirmed the doctors´ observations. Ajmal Kamal, the only terrorist who was not killed after he and his gang had managed to murder nearly 200 people and wound hundreds others, told officials that the terrorists "were specifically asked to target the foreigners, especially the Israelis." One doctor told Rediff it was certain that most if not all of the Israelis were killed on or before Friday. Intelligence Bureau sources were quoted as estimating that the terrorists did not want to keep them alive in order not to attract international attention.

Horrific doesn't even begin to describe this event, that STILL stings and wounds my heart. For a very personal reason, Chabad House saved my life, literally- and that of my oldest son.

Alone, teenaged, and pregnant-having lost my place in the family home, no job, no help, I was at rock bottom. Many cities, in many years, first for the military, then for work meant I had no real and true support system of any kind. Until I was saved by Chabad, literally. No questions asked, I was taken into the house, fed, given clothes, and care. With their support and good deeds, my baby and I survived until I could work, after I turned 16, and eventually I got back on my feet in time to welcome my son, born 6 weeks early, but healthy.

Yes, the gender issues with this level of Jewish observance do offend the more enlightened, and I count myself among them, until I actually met them, and the wholesale dismissal of these wonderful people over that issue is a huge disservice. . .to the enlightened. The World to Come is for those who allow their deeds to shine on the world, and Chabad actually walks the walk of living a Jewish life. Chabad's people are more than just gender stratified Jews. . .and their kindness had an immediate and lasting impact on my life.

Those murdered in India were there in the service of G-d and fellow human beings, and they died for that mission- and my heart breaks every time I think of it. For the victims of Chabad house in Mumbai, I say Kaddish- and I know my prayers will be heard;

Glorified and sanctified be G-d's great name throughout the world which He has created according to His will.

May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon; and say,

Amen.

May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity. Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say,

Amen.

May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us and for all Israel; and say,

Amen.

He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all Israel; and say,

Amen.

Light the Menorah. . .It's Hanukhah!

Latkas and Cocoa

Precious

First Night. . .

Have a blessed season. . .we had an AMAZING first night of Hanukhah. . .latkas were delicious and we had a great time. . .

Seether(ing) emotions

Breakdown lyrics
The sun is gone and the flowers rot
Words are spaces between us
And I should've been drown in the rivers I've found of token lost
And I should've been down when you made me insecure
So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than meets the eye
And I'm the one you can never trust
'cause wounds are ways to reveal us
And yeah I could have tried and devoted my life to both of us
But what a waste of my time when the world we have is yours
So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than all your lies
Hate me, break me down
So break me down
So break me down
So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than meets the eye

Hunkering Down in the best kind of way!

I am reading my little head off and loving every minute of it- between ILLAD and going to the library. . .I am in a really awesome place right now-

Let me make a dent in this reading and I will bring back to the posts I have been alluding to. . .

Chabad Massacre

Kids and Christian holidays with Jew parents. . .

and OF course my latest round with the principal. .for those keepong score;

Rainmom- 15

Principal- Zero

New week, new fun :)

So, last minute additions to premil list, and hopefully a go- and the COLD- reminds me of the places we used to live in while I was growing up. . .

Drafty cold and freezing, don't want my pant legs to touch my legs.. . .brrrrr


Stay warm!

Ahhhhh, Shabbat. . .

Shalom to you all. . .my family and I are snuggled in for the weekend. . .good wishes to you all

End of the semester insanity

Well- it is that time again. . .but somehow not as bad. . .the snow day helped SO much, and I am still stressing, but ok.

My prelim reading list that went to NYC came back with the comment that it was a "comprehensive list" . . .which is I guess good, Thanks Amanda:)

So, I am hoping that I will be taking my exam in May. . .wow, scared. . .but thrilled! KIA is finishing as well, and his first semester was a LOT harder than he thought it would be. . .a painful, but helpful lesson for him!

More later time to make some supper:)

Yes, I know about the Chicago/Obama thing. . .

I am not ready to comment. . .still a bit muddy on the details and such. . .so, we shall see. . .

Let it snow let it snow. . .WOW the SNOW!!!

Without the flash

With the flash

City street

Snow GLOBE!!!!

My GOODNESS!!! The snow started yesterday at about noon. . .and it has not stopped yet. We are buried and loving it a LOT.

Went for a walk last night, school is closed today, and baking and cooking are going on as we speak. The pictures are from the walk. . .Casey and I went, and it was like walking in a snow globe.

We are all snug and warm, Rainmom went shopping yesterday to stock up. . .and we are having a wonderful snow day!!!

Seems so long ago- but it comes up

Now- as I try to get my committee together, I remember. . .there was someone I thought should be on it- and she is not, for a reason that became one of those life altering moments. . .

I shall explain- Back in 2005, an instructor I have know since undergrad(which for me is 2002) was having a party at her "estate." When I got the e mailed invitation and saw who was invited, I assumed I was invited in error, and deleted the message. This instructor approached me in the hall and was insistent that I should attend. I scrambled to make arrangements for childcare, feeling QUITE important, so very proud, and daydreaming about the supposed status as "promising doctoral student" ready to be feted around. . .and was CRUSHED and HUMILIATED beyond belief when I arrived at the estate. . .dressed for the party. . .and told I would be serving the drinks, thus saving said instructor A TON OF MONEY(so she said) and well, I heard I was thanked during some conversation, I did not hear it, as I was dealing with a red wine spill in the sun room(honest to G-D, I was!!!!!)

Wow, what a night. So, I hung out with the caterers, got asked to serve at another function (complete with business card) and cried myself home. . .not a penny offered, even for gas! So, the relationship was a bit strained. . .at least on my end. She asked me to code some data for her as an overload, since I had a 50% appointment already, because she was off to England(hence the trans Atlantic), she apparently was unhappy with my refusal to work MORE than the 10 extra hours. . .and was rather put out.

I did not realize HOW put out until the next time I saw her, after her return- when I saw her between classes, and she did not return my greeting-despite having seen me. . .no big deal, but then, so ridiculous. . .I had to see another prof down the hall from her, walked by her office twice, the second time, while I was passing, she SLAMMED the door as I went by looking right at me!Alllllllllrighty then, I guess I will not be asked back to serve at HER estate again- which, of course, cuts me sooooooo deep. . .NOT!

So, it has been almost 4 years since this happened, and this, along with 2007's stats hell- yeah, it's here, go look at September, October, November and December 2007. . .the pain, the horror, the Nancmat. . .and now, I hope it will be in the hands of my trusty committee, chair, and my own speed to get the rest of the way to dissertation. . .I hope.

Happy Birthday Precious!!!

Carefully now

Counting out 9 candles. . .

9 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW!

First things first, it was been an interesting 9 years, baby. I mean that in the most incredible way- you have brought so much light and love to my life, and I cannot believe that we have come this far.

For the first time since you were diagnosed, I have a sense of calm, peace about your future, Precious. I look into your eyes when we are talking about things, and after about 5 minutes of conversation, I realize we are having a conversation, the two of us, just like any mother and son would. . .and I almost cry. . .but because I am happy, not because I do not know what to do.

I remember so well, how all of that felt, getting into grad school- Master's not doctoral, being so excited, and that diagnosis hit like a ton of bricks. The flailing around in the red tape nightmare, trying to get some sense of how I was going to get all of this done AND graduate. . .I know, selfish, but hey, it was a challenge I had to deal with, and you have to know by now, your mom is all about proving people wrong about dire situations and impossibilities. . .I do not always win, but I have never quit.

And we did not, ever quit, did we kiddo? I pushed, you pulled. I shoved, you dug in, and bit by bit, I got through to you, and now, at 9 years old, I have every hope that the life you lead as an adult will include a partner, maybe children. . .but you will have so many options open to you, because of that miracle that has come over the past few years- your ability to communicate. From teaching you sign language, to PECs to computer assisted learning, to full on, full bore sentences that just blow me away. . .I actually had to tell you to "pipe down" on Monday. . .WOW, you are talking so much I have to shush you!!!

You are afraid of storms and rain, you come to me at night for comfort after "bad dreams" you describe perfectly your needs and wants, you ASKED FOR SPECIFIC PRESENTS FOR TODAY- YOU ATE CAKE TODAY. . .for the first time ever. You are Precious, and today for the first time I feel like I made the right choice for how we would take this road, together, and with some very clear assumptions.

You were Precious, an autistic kid, not an autistic kid named Precious. You would be expected to do everything your brothers and sister did, without exception, unless otherwise excused. . .I have yet to find one. You would be treated like any other kid, chores, and such, with the point being that no matter what, you would be capable until proven otherwise.

Potty training, new foods, new schools, new places, new people, all of these things, you had to deal with. I carried you out of places when you refused to walk, and MADE you walk when you tried to squirm out. . .you did not get away with much, well, except for some in your life who wanted to treat you as 'special' in the sense that they assumed the worst, and I would not accept that. The fights with the school, with family, with myself, and all the while just trying to keep the rain from getting too much on all of us, baby I am so proud of you today, and every day. When I say I love you, and you say it back, I know you know what it means- it means I am here when you are afraid, I am behind you when you try, I catch you when you fall, dust you off and send you back out to try again, I am your cheerleader, your taskmaster, your harshest critic, and your biggest fan. . .I am your Ema. . .and I love you.

From the Office of "No, REALLY????"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,459644,00.html

Wow, really??

You would think that with insurance companies helping. . .wait. . .

with the understanding social institutions like the schools. . .umm

With all of the families with special needs or any kids friendly workplaces. . .um no. . .

Yeah, what a shocking finding. . .