Happy Birthday Precious!!!

Carefully now

Counting out 9 candles. . .

9 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW!

First things first, it was been an interesting 9 years, baby. I mean that in the most incredible way- you have brought so much light and love to my life, and I cannot believe that we have come this far.

For the first time since you were diagnosed, I have a sense of calm, peace about your future, Precious. I look into your eyes when we are talking about things, and after about 5 minutes of conversation, I realize we are having a conversation, the two of us, just like any mother and son would. . .and I almost cry. . .but because I am happy, not because I do not know what to do.

I remember so well, how all of that felt, getting into grad school- Master's not doctoral, being so excited, and that diagnosis hit like a ton of bricks. The flailing around in the red tape nightmare, trying to get some sense of how I was going to get all of this done AND graduate. . .I know, selfish, but hey, it was a challenge I had to deal with, and you have to know by now, your mom is all about proving people wrong about dire situations and impossibilities. . .I do not always win, but I have never quit.

And we did not, ever quit, did we kiddo? I pushed, you pulled. I shoved, you dug in, and bit by bit, I got through to you, and now, at 9 years old, I have every hope that the life you lead as an adult will include a partner, maybe children. . .but you will have so many options open to you, because of that miracle that has come over the past few years- your ability to communicate. From teaching you sign language, to PECs to computer assisted learning, to full on, full bore sentences that just blow me away. . .I actually had to tell you to "pipe down" on Monday. . .WOW, you are talking so much I have to shush you!!!

You are afraid of storms and rain, you come to me at night for comfort after "bad dreams" you describe perfectly your needs and wants, you ASKED FOR SPECIFIC PRESENTS FOR TODAY- YOU ATE CAKE TODAY. . .for the first time ever. You are Precious, and today for the first time I feel like I made the right choice for how we would take this road, together, and with some very clear assumptions.

You were Precious, an autistic kid, not an autistic kid named Precious. You would be expected to do everything your brothers and sister did, without exception, unless otherwise excused. . .I have yet to find one. You would be treated like any other kid, chores, and such, with the point being that no matter what, you would be capable until proven otherwise.

Potty training, new foods, new schools, new places, new people, all of these things, you had to deal with. I carried you out of places when you refused to walk, and MADE you walk when you tried to squirm out. . .you did not get away with much, well, except for some in your life who wanted to treat you as 'special' in the sense that they assumed the worst, and I would not accept that. The fights with the school, with family, with myself, and all the while just trying to keep the rain from getting too much on all of us, baby I am so proud of you today, and every day. When I say I love you, and you say it back, I know you know what it means- it means I am here when you are afraid, I am behind you when you try, I catch you when you fall, dust you off and send you back out to try again, I am your cheerleader, your taskmaster, your harshest critic, and your biggest fan. . .I am your Ema. . .and I love you.