Are mothers allowed to despair?

"We have followed you thus far, you have not led us astray. Forgive me, I was wrong to despair" Legolas-LOTRTT

My recent life events have led to the above question- are mothers allowed to despair? In public? Is stoic despair, away from the prying eyes of others ok? Or are mothers the ultimate suck it up folks? Dads are excluded from the discussion based on the gender expectation default with has men limited to despair for the most innocuous of reasons, sports, work, ED etc.

Can mothers despair? Can they give up? Can they EVER throw up their hands and say FUCK IT!?

As someone who has had people in her life who committed suicide, I have been very confused as to how the despair a person feels could actually cause them to kill themselves. I have always been a "this too shall pass" kind of person.
A certain professor has made the level of despair I have ever felt up to this point seem like childhood folly. Autism dx was easier to handle than this woman's class- at least with autism, I had help, and Paris is a doll, no matter what. I seriously doubt that I can pass the class, and it will not be because I do not understand stats. She has crushed me at every turn, and has continued to humiliate me in class. . .and the thought of flunking this class and 1. leaving school, or 2. having to take it OVER makes me wonder, guiltily, if this is really all worth it. Not living, no, I am not planning to off myself, but whether or not I should even be in grad school. I am SO PISSED that my chance of continuing in school is hinged on this class. I am doing better than I ever thought I would. . .but it is such a bitter pill to have to swallow to realize that my improvement is not even basic compentency to her. I know my other stats classes were not up to her standards, but I have been doing well on the interpretation, just not the write ups, so the fact that I understand ordinal regressions is not evident, and I am not supposed to go to her with these basic problem/ things according to the syllabus, sigh. I do not feel like I can go to her for help, she sets off all these "get the fuck away from me, loser" vibes when she enters the room. . .woe is me. Despair. . .or is it? Am I allowed? Is the mom role ever going to allow that. . .especially for a mom who has sacrificed so much of her time that SHE should have been spending with her children!!?? Is there a Jewish equivlent to a patron saint for hopeless causes?? Hmmmm, must find out!

I know stats is an important thing, I am not saying she is not smart, she is very good at her work, and I would not ever say differently. I just do not get this hostility. Oh, well, I will have a long time to think about the lack of direction in my life if she flunks me, I am in despair, and it feels pretty shitty! I hope this too passes. . .and I do too, stats that is!