Tripping the Night Autistic

There are so many people who use the words "tired" or "exhausted" or even "wiped out" to describe the way they feel-

In my world, only the strong can endure the Night Autistic. . .

First Rule of Night Autistic- The tripping part is that "night" means just the event. The actual consequence is that from that night follow many nights of recovery. Think an all nighter, combined with some sort of binge behavior, and repeating it for about a week, Yeah, thought so.

Case in point, any time it rains at bedtime. Precious is terrified of the rain, period. He cannot will not sleep if it is raining. . .or for any of the following days until good weather has returned, for an extended period of time. If any rain falls during the tripping, reset the recovery, unless it is 2 nights in a row, in which case it just starts to run together.

When his body does start to just demand sleep, he will sleep feather light, and on my shoulder. . .and if I breathe too deeply, or shift any part of my upper body- he is up and asking "did the rain stop" or repeat "it's not raining, rain is over"

So, if I can stay perfectly still, he sleeps, and I don't. . .and for the next week, it is usually repeat until he feels better about everything. . .over time he relents, and sleeps.

Just noticing that I am getting by on so very little sleep- and when I do think of sleep, it is with an intense longing I used to reserve for decadent chocolate and hours in the Archives.

The point? Despite it all, the Night Autistic makes me feel dead tired and so needed and functional all at once. Tired in that my laundry room needs attention, functional in the fact that my son, in the depth of the most intense fear, finds comfort just in being at my side. . .amazing.