My life-at 500 posts-
Has no reset button, if you mess with me and my life, I cannot just undo what you did- I have to adjust and find a way to fix it
My life has precious humans in it who count on me for everything, and right now it is all I can do to keep them happy, healthy and content- if you keep messing with my life, I will fail them, and I will never forgive you for that and I will cut you out
My life has happy, sad, pain, awesome, and every little thing in between, and if you can't stop the drama, exit stage left post haste- I have enough of my own to deal with on an hourly basis.
I want to have people in my life that are imperfect, but a perfect fit, people who enrich it while dealing with their drama, not who drain from those around them. . .you can have drama in your life and be a part of mine, but I cannot take on your drama for you, you have to deal with it yourself. . .and if I have made a promise, do not make me break it, no matter what, my integrity means too much to me to throw it away, even for a friend. I have worked hard, sacrificed much and pushed myself to the point of collapse to get to where I am, and I need all that I can earn to care for my family.
Forgiveness is a huge part of my life, but not forgetting- I can and will forgive you but refuse to forget, and if you repeat the same mistakes and the results are bad for my life and my precious puny humans, you are gone
I am harsh, but fair, understanding but blunt, to the point and evasive, but first and foremost, I just want to live my life as best I can, without drama and NOT at the mercy of people who would hurt me because they can.
My life has had enough pain to last 5 lifetimes- enough. . .love me, love my life, respect my life or leave it
I want people in my life who want to be there, who understand that I can be a good friend, a strong support, and as uplifting as they need me to be- but I can't be there for them if their presence in my life ends up destroying me. In the contest between survival for myself and a friendship, I have to choose myself, not because I AM SELFISH, but because I have SO MANY people counting on me.
I want to be the cherished someone in someone's life someday- I want to have the opposite of what I had for too long. I want a home filled with as much laughter as possible, with love and patience, and above all else, I want someday to have someone who loves me for who I am, not who they think I should be, someone who feels blessed and lucky to have me in their life, not someone who sees me as the outlet for all their aggressions, insecurities, shortcomings and failures. I want to be able to be sick and not have that used as a means of being replaced or punished, I want someone who will not use my physical issues as an excuse to cheat on me, hurt me, ignore me or flat out leave me. I want someone who understands I have superhuman capacities, above average motivation and determination, but subhuman health moments. I want to stop paying for things I am trying to control, as well as for things that are so beyond my control. . .I can't have people in my life who would bring with them those that would destroy me for the most base of reasons. . .because whether or not they believe I have value, my children think I do- and that is enough for me to draw the line at letting people in who will bring destruction with them.
I want a happy life, if you understand what I mean by that, you are most welcome in it, no matter what your drama is, or your problems.
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