Melting. . .

Frozen in time and place, for so long I can't remember ever feeling
Warm, when I felt good, when I felt whole
Layers of insulation did nothing, the more I tried to cover up, the colder I felt
Even though I knew it was not good, to cover myself up this way, for this reason, I did it
And until now, it has been manageable, this covered frozen life
A pond that keeps running life beneath a layer, a barrier, not really alive not really dead
Am I ready to let it all melt away, and choose, once and for all
to either fully embrace running water and life or frozen over existence and an empty life?

I'm not the same person I was before, I have never ever run from a fight, unless it was for myself I was fighting- and now, I am the only one who can fight this
Melt the ice that keeps my life from being fully mine, from being fully lived and enjoyed.
It is so messy, the melting, it makes things murky and soft

you risk letting people in, and let them see under the ice

Who you really are

What your life is really like

and what things look like from there
Scary and unpredictable

All that gets through the ice around your soul

Melting it away would bring change and uncertainty
The flooding can overwhelm at first
BUT
After a time, messy things tidy up, flood waters recede, soil can dry, hope can take root and bloom
After all the mess and disorder
The soft and the ugly
Melting muddy time
Comes new growth and new hopes
New promises and a life fully lived
Not encased in protective ice that keeps things in as well as out
After the storm comes the hope
I believe