Cry HAVOC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So it begins.

In the election meshugganae, the silent until now battle on the Rainmom vs. School front has raged- here is the most recent e mail war, posted in their entirety;

From the school-

Hey Rainmom!
Tim and I have been chatting about when we could all meet for Precious's conference in the beginning of December... Are there any dates/days of the week that you cannot attend? We will try to schedule it so the as many people involved with Precious can attend but I can’t promise you a rose garden-ha! I believe that this is how we did Precious’ conferences in the past and with my current schedule for conferences is booked so solid that I don’t even have any back-back blocks left...I just think this is the way to get the most people at one meeting...I’m not picking on Precious or anything but the logistics of schedules kind of require this-sorry.Start thinking of some dates/times and like I said, Tim will be getting in touch with you.

Thanks!
A

So I replied;

Well, I would counter this request by saying that I am planning to observe him at school and make this more of an evaluation than a conference. I plan on coming next week to see how his day goes, and I am planning on taking notes and sharing.I am noting ANOTHER staff change in his future, and I am REALLY disgusted STILL about the meeting you had without contacting me until after the fact, and I am wondering just how much he is being challenged, and how much he is being coddled and whether or not things from May got lost along the way. . .I am worried that all this "start from the beginning" with brand new staff every month is affecting his education, and I have NEVER questioned that before, so of course I am worried. . .because when things start to go wrong, it seems then I am expected to fix everything, come up with magic solutions, because it is something wrong with my son, and autism, NOT any of the musical staff changes and such- yes, I have hit the bottom of my patience mine. . .I am unwilling and unable to continue as it is now. . .until I see for myself how he is doing in his learning environment.So, please expect me in next week in order to evaluate your interactions with my son, only then will I schedule a meeting, after I have evaluated his educational environment.Yes, I am slowly losing faith in the IEP/special ed "process" at PR. With all eyes on my son and his behavior, I need to concentrate my gaze on his school.I am sure you understand.

She then replied;

Staffing is quite fluid, isn't it?! I am not sure what it is that goes on here but I too would be excessively frustrated with this situation as a parent; it too is frustrating as a staff member. On an up note, Precious mornings are quite consistent as he is with Deb ., myself, and Joan . and his morning schedule pretty much is set in stone unless wacky things come up like the testing or such. Both EAs are wonderfully patient and very consistent with Precious as they have both worked with him for several years now and know how to nip potential issues in the bud before they turn into something bigger.

Regarding the previous meeting...there was absolutely nothing secretive about attendees but rather it was used as a brainstorming session. All the people working with Precious felt that we needed to regroup and figure out why this school year hasn't been flowing as smoothly as last year. Precious's goal sheet/reward sheet/ checklist thingy (the one where he completes X amount of activities to work towards a goal he chooses such as computers, swing time, etc...) was slightly changed from 2nd grade to compensate for 3rd grade (I believe this change was in his IEP but don't' quote me on this) and it obviously was not working for anyone, Precious included. The results of the meeting were that a) everyone was using the goal sheet the same way, and correctly, b) it was obviously NOT working, and c) it was time to return to the 2nd grade goal sheet used last year. Since that meeting, we returned to last year's plan and things are going much more smoothly for everyone involved!

Sounds good for meeting up after your observations...we had picked beginning of December simply because conferences were over here, Thanksgiving week was done, testing was done in our classroom, Spec Ed schedules were back to normal following testing, etc... so whenever it works for you is fine with us.

I feel your frustration with how things are currently going but do know that everyone is trying to figure out what will work best for Precious and our classroom environment. If it seems that people are expecting a fix from you, I apologize, but also realize that things aren't going as calmly with Precious in school this year and we are just trying to adjust to and accommodate these changes with him. There is a big jump from 2nd to 3rd grade (for all kids, regardless if they have an IEP or not) regarding expected independence, level of academic challenge, etc... and some kids struggle more with it than others; Precious, I feel, is really having a hard time with this transition from last year to this year with academic expectations. The work Precious is to complete is challenging and based on IEP goals, but not such that it is setting him up to struggle or fail. My personal observations are that when Precious is non-compliant (for lack of a better word) in class in the morning, it is usually when he does not want to do the required academic work.

Without getting into a novel here, I just wanted to let you know that I understand your concerns but want you to know that the staff here really is trying to make changes for everyone's benefit, which have been happening both successfully and unsuccessfully.

Thank you for so freely sharing your concerns with me..

A

And this missive was just fired across their bow. . .

Fluid? Yes, that is a good word. . .And well, as you know by now, Precious is a very smart kid. I guess my main concern is that he is acting out to get out of meeting the new challenges you are giving him-and that would be a grave mistake. I am concerned that he is being disruptive with the goal to leave the class, and if he is taken out, he will see the act of disrupting the class as a means to his desired ends. But you probably already know this- do the several new members of his team understand this? I am not convinced, and I will not be patronized to believe something my own eyes see as false, these new staff members are not the whole problem, but they do not help. I question their KNOWLEDGE dealing with my son, not their kindness to him. As I have said over and over and OVER again, kindness is not the most important part of his IEP- firmness and high expectations for his progress should be at the top of the list.About that meeting; Tim made it clear that this meeting was called to address behavior issues. . .that were NOT reported to me in detail. In addition, I was contacted AFTER the fact, when you had all weighed in on "why is he acting out so much. . ." and only after the meeting did it occur to anyone to contact me.
Pardon my French, but that is just plain B.S. period.I have jumped through every hoop the state, the school system, and your team has asked me to, like some sort of poodle. I have contributed to every IEP and thought we were taking a team approach to make sure Precious best interests were kept in mind, and that consistency was being maintained. . .but when he struggled, you all excluded me, and only after you had no other real concrete reason for his behavior, other than the check sheet, did you contact me for the magic trick to tame his behavior.It was disrespectful, it was hurtful, and it damaged the trust I had in the relationship between the school and my family. I made my disapproval know to Tim at the time, and clearly, I remain very bitter about that- and the constant parade of unknown people working with my son at any given time. I do not believe for a moment that these new people are up to speed with how clever and smart my child is- not when baby talk messages about his tee shirts and how well he is doing at being "the line leader, oh wow" show up on those sheets. I literally cringe at the baby talk and the obvious perception that my son is doing so well. . .considering his condition. This attitude is unacceptable. He is child with autism, not just autistic, he is smart, and he is capable of doing a lot, I will not allow the parade of new staff destroy his chances at a good education because they expect so little for him. Those stickers show up on his shirt, and yet there will be notes about "rough spots" and other vague references. . . And yet not a single mention of the new glasses he has been wearing for a week. Frustrated doesn't begin to describe how I am feeling right now- I thought we had a team approach going, and it was quite shocking to be out of the loop. I was completely above board with the PR staff, and you excluded me, I am sorry that you made that decision.While I appreciate the time you took to respond, it seems that the relationship I thought I had with the staff and thought I could count on and trust with my Precious is not in keeping with the reality. Despite your reassurances, I cannot accept on faith that you did not "mean anything" by excluding me, you did not do so because you did not feel it necessary- and that is unacceptable, period. End of story. I will not have that repeated, ever again.I regret the loss of trust and respect, I put a lot into my relationship with you all, worked hard to contribute to the team, trying hard to hold up my end of the parent/teacher partnership. My faith has been shaken. And if you really understood who I am, and how I view my role as my son's parent, and if a single one of you took the time to realize that my son is my child, not a problem to be solved by you, then you would be apologizing and attempting to repair the damage, not trying to convince me it was no big deal excluding me.

See you next week.

The moral of the story, boys and girls?

DO NOT MESS WITH RAINMOM'S CUBS!!!