They buried a child today

One who could not see the life ahead of him, only the fog of his day to day life- he saw pain, he saw fear, he saw things that those who loved him may never ever know, and it is their unending sorrow. . .this state of not knowing, that may be the hardest part of this all. . .this child, almost a man, loved, with friends and family, could not see the passing fancy of troubles. . .and acted accordingly.

Seeing the struggle of those left behind is the hardest, I have made a life out of fixing things, taking care of things, and trying to make people feel better, happy, and good about who they are. . .and in this case, I find I am unable to help, unable to fix it, and feel I fail those who may not be expecting me to, but who are hoping, were hoping, against all reason, that I could do SOMETHING. . .but I find I cannot. . .and it wounds me so much. . .

Watching the kids struggle to refer to their friend in the past tense, and seeing the tears in their eyes when they realize what they have said, catching themselves saying things like "this is just a bad dream" or "is this really real?" and the way their eyes remind me over and over. . .Mom, you have not fixed this yet. . .

I wish I could have helped this child, I wish so much that he could have been stopped- Rest in Peace, Jake, your family and friends miss you so much, and even me, someone who was incidentally a part of your life, will miss you, and think of you often.

You were loved, Jake, you are still loved.