Artistic License

This is good. . . . but

These are much

Much

Better!

Day dreams of an aching back and spirit

This, version the Renaissance. . .





This the aromatherapy option. . .could you IMAGINE???


Between my back, and my head aches. . .what a cool day dream:)

July it is. . .

Fudge Fest. . .horse show. . .YACHT race. . .and the Umbrella will be on a sandy beach for 5 wonderful days. . .and it will probably be cleaner than that room. . .eeeek, but well, it is cheap, and we are SO PSYCHED. . .


Sigh- back to work!

Summer day dreams in Winter Spring. . .

We are going to put down the umbrella here


I CANNOT WAIT!!!


We will be here and here and here. . .unless I have to move to July- which I may just do. . .:)

The BEST. day. EVER!

Happy under the umbrella

Taking on the jellies

Under the sea

Ahoy!

At the helm, my Precious

Some of the most amazing time EVER spent under the umbrella. . .

Mom, I am just SO HAPPY!!

Butter on the Pilot Deck

Waiting to pet Sting Rays

Umm, you want me to what what?

Fish. . . .awesome

Mommy, I am just so happy. . .

Me too, Precious, me too. . .

Love these faces. . .

Peaceful and happy faces

Cute and Precious

VERY cute and precious

The. best. gift.for.mom. EVER!

Cocoa

Love these children

Around town

So, we are not waiting until summer to have a little more fun. . .I think I am ready to stretch the purse strings a bit, we were just SO tight on funds for a while- and while I got us through it, i do not want to come that close to epic fail EVER again. . .talk about bad memories. . .

No- we are taking every opportunity to get out and about when we can- Precious is doing well, and we have had a lot of fun on the few trips we did go on for the day. . .

Like here, we went for the day- no pictures because, well, it was water. . .but ALL of the kids had an awesome time of it. . .

And here, which I got discount tickets for, I will post pictures soon, THAT was amazing. . .

and finally here, where we were able to complete one of the best days of my life. . .and pictures will be forthcoming. . .but I have to get going for now. . .

Lots of things brewing under the umbrella. . .:)

All work. . .no play. . . makes kids really really sad

So, in taking stock of my prelim reading situation, I am in a very good place- Jewish reading list is done, Non Profit list is close to being done, and the Poverty list will be going down on Sunday. . .for sure, end of story. . .such a great feeling. . .

BUT- there are rumblings under the umbrella, from little ones who have been SO AMAZING in their acceptance of every schedule change, and every blip on the way to this point. Oatmeal for supper, sandwiches. . .oh the SANDWICHES, and on top of everything, a crazy Pesach coming up. . .we are carbohydrate life forms here, and Pesach is ROUGH. . .

SO, in honor of the great sacrifices these wonderful amazing bratty spunky, sassy awfully wonderful kids have made, I have decided to say "heck with it" and. . .wait for it. . .PLAN A SUMMER VACATION. . .YAY!

We are going for a few reasons; first, I did get funding for next year from my wonderful department! I am so happy about this, as it will mean I can continue on in school and well, I am very very blessed by this!

Second, we have, as a family, had so much loss this past year- my kids have through so much, and we have had so many occasions to have to grin and bear it. . .dammit I want my kids to grin and LOVE their lives. I want memories to last a lifetime and beyond- I want tales told to my great great GREAT grandchildren about the person I was, and the things I did with my kids. . .the stories about how I damaged my kids with my degree seeking behavior will surely survive too. . .as it should:)

So, where to go? This is no frills, low budget vacation for the Rainmom and her rain drops. . .4 of them. . .and one of them with the autism. . .so, where will we go?


Why here, of course!


I cannot wait!

Back at it. . .

Ok- the whole "spring break" thing that those that work outside of academia think is so great? They just do not get it! EVEN if I had nothing else to do, this would NOT be a break, because all this means is that for a few days, I can get all of the things that I have been slacking on done without having to worry about certain things. . .OH and when your kids are on break with you??? Fuggetaboutit. . .the world and everything in it stops and you get nothing NOTHING done. . .

Wait, yes you actually have the chance to make memories that will, in likelihood, ensure a small. but intense course of therapy for your children in later years. . .like when they ask their special someones to scream irrationally at them for a week in March. . .because to NOT have that happen seems "odd"

Or the ever popular and very effective "if you do not like it, you do not have to eat/wear/watch/play with it, but you will not get anything else, these are your options. . .the reply to THAT can be silence and a slammed door or whining that will last forever. . .or 5 minutes during spring break.

Add to that trying to get the Passover stuff done and yeah. . .some break. . .

300th post. . .and what will it be about?

It will be precious

Like Butter

Bitter-sweet Cocoa. . .

It is always about the kids here- and for the 300th post, it has to be about them. I have a love/lament attitude about life just now- but this is my love part!

Lament? Well, I met with my chair Thursday, and it became really clear that I have no real social life these days, and my academic life is really solitary confinement. . .in short, I am a babbling mess when with adults lately. Need help in the bathroom? I am THERE! Got a boo boo? ON IT! Want to have an intelligent conversation about all matters adult and scholarly? Ummmmmmm, wanna cookie? Need laundry done? Dishes? You get the point. . .I have very little adult contact these days. . .and the interactions are a bit stilted in my every day life. . .

So apologies to Amanda, I was Miss Babbling Brooks. . .:)

The unbearable heaviness of being. . .Mom

I am ready to go on vacation now. . .for real. . .stressed beyond belief, rightous indignation seems too much energy wasted that could be doing dishes, and well, the rest of it all. . .

Hope you are all doing well- the umbrella is a bit crowded. . .and close. . spring cannot come soon enough!!!

Fault Lines

Unlimited
The damage is unlimited
To everyone I've tried to help
Or tried to love
And, you're the latest
Victim of my greatest achievement
In a long career of distress
Every time I could, I tried making good
And what I made was a mess!
No good deed goes unpunished
No act of charity goes unresented
No good deed goes unpunished
That's my new creed
My road of good intentions
Led where such roads always lead
No good deed
Goes unpunished!
One question haunts and hurts
Too much, too much to mention:
Was I really seeking good
Or just seeking attention?
Is that all good deeds are
When looked at with an ice-cold eye?
If that's all good deeds are
Maybe that's the reason why
No good deed goes unpunished
All helpful urges should be circumvented
No good deed goes unpunished
Sure, I meant well - Well, look at what well-meant did:
All right, enough - so be it
So be it, then:
Let all Oz be agreed
I'm wicked through and through
Since I can not succeed
in saving you
I promise no good deed Will I attempt to do again
Ever again
No good deed
Will I do again!

So it begins. . .

Finally someone else is noticing. . .

Sauron, meet the One Ring to Rule them all. . .

Ring, meet Sauron

ON Samwise, ON Frodo. . .pony up, Fellowship. . .to Mount Doom. . .

Sheesh!

Nu? You want you should be a doctor?

Sigh- the plague has hit with a mighty force- that an a severe case of cabin fever. . .for us all- and I find myself at a weird place. . .getting a tattoo or no?

See, there is this thing coming up- this one, and as you can see. . .there is a chance for me to finally do this. . .or not. . .eeeeek.

See, I have always had a fascination with it. . .getting the whole thing- but one thing that my whole life up to this point and then some has taught me is that you should REALLY think long and hard about anything that is "forever". . .but would this be one thing that could be seen as a forever. . .can I control it, make it forever. . .well, my forever, passed on to my family long after the mortal coil shuffle?

The whole history behind it, including the barbaric use of tattoos during the Shoah make this an issue for me, but I find myself unable to just say "I will never get one". . .and it is now, I need a reason to get one. . .like becoming a DOCTOR????

Hmmmm- the fact that I have already picked a few ideas for where and what it might be. . .I am guessing that the fence has been cleared. . .and I am on the other side. . . .

Life as it is

We have had a bit of stress over and above the call of duty. . .but things seem to be calming down. I am getting the kids ready for bed, and am going to be hip deep in reading for a good long while- but will check in later. . .

So it continues

Prelims are kicking my ass- but it a good way.

I am hip deep in the excess of my field. .and it feels like I am goofing off! I feel like I should be stopping and reading something that is not so interesting. . .really sweet!

And again. . .

The "Zionist entity" with a face. . .these are the Zionists that face bombs every day. . .even during a "cease fire"

Loving life and Holding strong here under the umbrella. . .

L'chaim. . .Eretz Yisoel. . .AM CHAI

On this day

Wait to read this until you have squeezed every last drop of euphoria from your day- this is not meant to be a kill joy, but do not read this if you are still in the heights of the new world order. I did not support him, so I am not in your zone. You have been warned. . .

Readers who follow here know that today is a rather bitter day here under the umbrella. The past year has been pretty heart wrenching- and I learned a lot about people I thought I knew- things that I am glad to have discovered, but things that horrify me nonetheless. Watching my children get verbally abused at school for wearing their McCain shirts, while their classmates jeered at them, many of the teachers tacitly agreed. . .and did nothing. The horrible supporters of this new president who treated an elderly McCain supporter in a wheelchair most terribly and tried to hit me with a sign when I intervened. . . the list goes on

Random thoughts;

I am stunned by the antisemitism in the many of the followers of the new president that I know and that have read on blogs like Kos and Huffington- people who have called Jews by the most horrible names, nazis and the like, for the "crime" of protection of their people and have taken to demonizing Israel as evil nazis, while saying nothing about the attacks on Jews in Israel proper. . .the attacks were coming from an area that Israel left in August 2005. . .people who claim they want the new president to bring peace. . .but destroy Israel. . .with no real word what would happen to the Jews and non Jews living there. Stunning, I am leery of a person who attracts such followers, and scared of a world where people can open call for the death of people like me, and the world yawns and agrees. . .

I am not sold on Hope and change that is devoid of any substance, and I resent being called a racist for asking questions about his plans for this country.

I do not trust a president who is on record accusing people like my brothers of "strafing villages" full of civilians, without any supporting documentation for the charge, and do not feel he supports the military, and that is a big problem for this Marine brat. He may yet earn my trust- but his cabinet picks do not inspire me at all, and the Blago foundation of his very political being is very problematic indeed.

Something that really bothers me; How then, will people like me find a voice? Dissent is being discouraged, which I find really odd, given the last several years of calling the sitting president a murderer, burning him in effigy, and slandering him at every turn and at the same time stating they were "afraid" of their president and the rights he was taking away, I am not saying they were wrong, I am saying that irony is a strange thing. . .I cannot even question his relationship with a man that would have plotted to kill people like my father during the 60s, the one who dedicated his book to, among others Sirhan Sirhan. . .the murderer of RFK. . .and who Canada would not let into their country because of his past-I want to know more, and that doesn't make me a racist.

A few final things;

I am a Zionist Jew- period. So, when you continue to forward e mails to me off of listservs that call for the death of the "Zionists" you are, for all intents and purposes, sending me a death threat. If you do not stop thoughtlessly sending these things to me and my family, as I share these with my older children, I may act, via user agreements, to keep you from doing so. Please READ BEFORE YOU FORWARD!

I am not sold on this new president, and 47 million others like me did not vote for him. I do wish this country well, and by extension, the new president. But I do not trust he has the best interests of people like me in mind. . .and I will say no more except Dissent is the highest form of patriotism and

G-d Bless America

Rocking these past few months. . .

Disturbed Again. . .I love David Draiman. . . Metallica. . .first time. . .

Tuomos. . .heart you! Nightwish. . .

Prelim study break moment. . .

What a wonderful few months of rock and work. . .

Precious Thoughts

Happy Precious

Looking up

Deep thoughts. . .

So many things have been going on lately- it is amazing how fast this school year is going, too fast, as the kids get older and older, the time just speeds by- and I find myself wanting to pause it, stop it, and hold so many of these days for as long as I can. . .knowing that it is just going to get worse, and sooner than I am ready for it, they will be old enough to go out on their own. .. but until then, I have these years, so few, to protect them, care for them, and know they are safe every day. . .and there is hope, big time, that Precious, in due time will take his place out there too.

The biggest change that has happened with Precious is his very real and expressed cognitive thoughts. He has really been amazing in his development of 1. thinking of something and then 2. expressing it!

Nothing in the world can really prepare you for the experience of having a child that requires special care- but WOW- you are humbled as a parent on 2 fronts- 1. you NEVER take any achievement, no matter how small, for granted again, and 2. You realize how much you take for granted every day.

With typical kids- the milestones are seen as an eventuality, and they usually arrive as scheduled. . .logged into a baby book, or something, but a mental checklist has some item checked off as these occur. . .and that is just how it goes. . .until you have a child with a different checklist, or maybe a much less ambitious one. . .and then, everything changes.

At this stage in his education, 3rd grade, I find I STILL have to educate people about my son. . .to the point of ad nausea um. . .and and shocked that I am still shocked by the ignorance about him as a person, and how willing some are to see him as autism, not a child.

Case in point, after years of speech therapy, and a HUGE amount of advancement in his verbal communication. . .I was asked if I wanted him to learn how to use a computer to speak. . .WTF people??? Give me a fucking break with this, you wanna take a kid who can speak, is doing better and better over time, and take that away for a computer?? Come on!

It gets better- she READ it somewhere that an autistic kid used one to talk. . .yeah, about that. . .NOT ALL AUTISTIC KIDS ARE THE SAME!

Sigh-

But Precious is inspiring to see, every day, and for more reasons than I can count- I am proud to be a Rainmom!

All aboard. . .the crazy train

Keep in mind mind- this is a 'peace' rally. . .



Sigh. . . I-S-R-A-E-L, get it right, s-h-i-t-h-e-a-d

So, Hamas lauches rockets for years at Israel proper, not "occupied" anything. . .almost a DECADE. . .and when Israel finally tries to put a stop to it. . .SHE has to be destroyed??

Get your tickets ready, this only makes sense on the crazy train. . .

Sucks to be Jew

Pssst- it is spelled I-s-r-a-e-l. . .a-s-s-h-o-l-e! Do not get me started on "exstinct" and Jesus as a cyborg. . . is that a price tag. . .sheesh

Hmm- this is rather ambiguous. . .wonder what the real meaning is. . .such delicate subtle language and imagery. . .

Yes, that says what you think it does. . .she wants you to kill Jews. . .for peace. . .in France

See, this would REALLY make me feel bad. . .except for 2 things- 1. Jews do not believe in hell. . .and 2. many here on earth are making me wonder just who or what you have to be to get in to Hell. . .

Amazing- years of rockets raining on Jewish civilians. . .they are dismissed as "homemade" and, in an amazing act of making a molehill of a mountain- "nagging" the Jews. . .Israel out of Gaze in 2005- and the rockets are coming every day, and when the IDF FINALLY acts to end these attacks- wow, international crisis time. . .

Disproportionate? Ok, the IDF could just launch nagging bombs, in the same numbers,m using the same willful disregard for civilians. . .sound good?

Where is the condemnation for the Hamas leaders who are firing from civilian buildings and putting their electorate in danger? Where is the call for the end of killing and maiming Jewish children. . .in ISRAEL- enough of the occupation shit!

Dear friends- you are free to support whatever causes you will- could you PLEASE take me off your list of contacts for this crap. . .please?

When I see these pictures, and when I read this crap, I get sick to my stomach from the fear for my children, my JEWISH children.

Comfort yourselves all you want with thoughts of "they really mean Zionists when they say kill Jews(!!!)" or call them uneducated and in need of education. . .continue to pretend that a 2 state plan will work.

Go ahead and think "if they ever encountered a Jewish friend of mine, they would surely NOT hurt him/her" and remember Danny Pearl and Adam Berg, the Munich Olympians and their coaches, Yoni Netenyahu, Leon Klinghoffer. . .Chabad House in Mumbai. . .act after brutal act of slaughter. . .of Jews. . .in the name of. . .?

A Yisroel CHAI!!!

Am Yisroel CHAI

Yeah- so, I get it- you hate Israel. . .do you also hate Jews? If so, you are not 'anti Zionist' you are antisemitic. . .and if you are saying "Death to Jews" or sending me e mails and announcements that have people saying I need an oven, or that Hamas should gas Jews. . .you run the risk of REALLY pissing me off. . .

FYI- proof read people! I do not WANT to have you sening me this crap and telling me I am an exception! I am NOT an exception, I am included in this horrible crap. . .

JUST STOP!

Beloved Bear. . .

2007

With our Sweet German exchange student

Alas, gourd Yorick, he knew him well . . . .

Mayhem in August. . .

15 years old today- beloved bear. . .I am thankful for every second! When I think back to those early years- the scary hospital visits, the constant alert for cardiac issues, the eckos with your baby heart beating blood out of the hole in your ventricles. . .and the constant worry. . .am I going to lose this baby? How can I let myself love him, what if I lose him, should I just keep things in perspective. . .back and forth, until finally, I realized that while I was wondering if I should not love you too much in case I lost you. . .I was falling in love with your sweet face, and the way you snuggled in my arms when you fell asleep there. . .I realized I was carrying you around all the time, because I wanted to keep an eye on you. . .and I was hooked on your sweet face. . .

You are now a 6 foot 2 inch tall young man. . .with a fully operational heart with no more holes in it. . .and I love you so very much.

You are my pride, my joy, my muffin, matzah muffin during Pesach :)

Happy 15th, Yelid gadol vay tov!

"Balance"

This is Jewish mother in Israel, trying to protect her children from rockets fired AT them. . .on purpose, to kill them because they are "Zionists" - not collateral damage. . .INTENDED TARGETS!

FYI

Yeah, about that. . .

Ok- so Juice is the new "Yid" or Sheeny. . .and if you look real close. . .he really only wants death for all (Zionist) Juice. . .so you Snapple lovers are ok. . .I of course, am in the cross hairs- this is a protest on 5th Avenue. . .in NYC. . . .

Thought I would let people know that I am now being threatened by a Jihad. . .in Anaheim, California. . .so I guess I will not be vacaying with the Arrrrrnold any time soon. . .

The Hope

From the last war

HaTikvah

As long as the Jewish spirit is yearning deep in the heart,
With eyes turned toward the East, looking toward Zion,
Then our hope - the two-thousand-year-old hope - will not be lost:
To be a free people in our land,
The land of Zion and Jerusalem

My heartfelt thoughts and prayers to my cousins, and all in the IDF and to all. . . . Prayers for an end to the rockets. . .from BOTH sides. . .

Prayer for Members of the Israel Defense Force
He Who blessed our forefathers Abraham, Isaac and Jacob - may He bless the fighters of the Israel Defense Force, who stand guard over our land and the cities of our God from the border of the Lebanon to the desert of Egypt, and from the Great Sea unto the approach of the Aravah, on the land, in the air, and on the sea.

May Hashem cause the enemies who rise up against us to be struck down before them. May the Holy One, Blessed is He, preserve and rescue our fighting men from every trouble and distress and from every plague and illness, and may He send blessing and success in their every endeavor.

May He lead our enemies under their sway and may He grant them salvation and crown them with victory. And may there be fulfilled for them the verse: For it is Hashem, your God, Who goes with you to battle your enemies for you to save you.
Now let us respond: Amen.

Am Yisrael CHAI!!!!

The year behind and ahead

Hard to tell, but there is a harbor seal in the above picture- while on my Whale Cruise in Boston in August, the guide pointed out that;

The harbor seal was very very rare in that open water and

She had a lot of respect for that little spunky seal. . .

I want to be a spunky seal this year, and go into waters where it is rare for seals like me to swim.

I want to continue to instill that willingness in my children, guide them and urge them to hit the waters with an eye toward adventure and hopefully, reward.

So, the umbrella is still up, and the family is still dry. . .and so it will stay. . .

Happy New Year from Under the Umbrella!