Time we have wasted on the way. . .

So, my summer with the kids is near closing- as evidenced by the annual registration rite for all 4 of my returning students, with KIA all set already. . .we have had a rather intense few weeks.

Case in point, in the span of 2 weeks, the kids lost the last of their grandfathers, Chris's dad, and my mother's dad.

Chris took the loss very hard. He and his dad enjoyed a comfortable, if not close relationship, yet while they were able to make peace with one another before he passed away, the kids were not able to see him before he passed away. He was only 68, and the speed that he went left Chris a bit shocked and stunned. Directly after the funeral, I left for Boston to present at the ASA, more about THAT in another post. . .but for now, Chris is dealing with this as well as the gendered American male can. . .

My grandfather is another story, and of course not without some freaky detail, this IS my blog;)

See, in the religious tradition I was raised in, when I married Chris, I transgressed in a most EXTREME way. . .and my grandfather decided to sit shiva for me, making it rather difficult to keep in touch. . .seeing how I was, well, you know, dead. Yep, dead, because I got pregnant and then went on to marry a non Jew. . .so his death is rather complicated to mourn. How can I mourn him? I feel that was already done, in the aftermath of my "death", and well, until the day she died, my grandmother refused to play along, and she left things from her childhood to my kids, but until he died a few weeks ago, he never acknowledged me, my kids, and spoke about me in the past tense. . .even when I was in the same room!

I did stop going to functions I knew he would be at, but always managed to see my Bubbe as much as I could, whether he was there or not, but what a strange thing to have to explain to your kids. . .they are used to older sibs and friends pretending to not hear them, in the context of a game or just messing around, but this was an adult, who never stopped the game. . .and Zayde never gave in, no matter how cute the child. He refused to look at pictures of the kids, and never ever called them by name. His "heart" stopped at the start of August, but I really think his heart stopped a long time ago. . .