Ok, not quite a CO parent. . . but the link to the outside adult world is sustained through the occasional glass of wine after the kids are asleep cannot be under appreciated, even if mothers can be on a regular basis.
As I get ready to go back to the adult world, to discuss adult things, with other adults, I have this link on occasion to remind me that there are a TON of people in my life who know how to use the bathroom all by THEMSELVES, who do not take the last cookie and taunt the rest of the department with it, do not lick it and put it back to "keep everyone off it" and many MANY people are totally willing to listen to what I have to say WITHOUT rolling their eyes. . .a lot!
I know- an ode to the hooch is probably going to earn a wagged finger or two, maybe even a bird in the hand. . .BUT, what the hell, I am never going to get mother of the year, because THAT award doesn't factor in how parents express their love for their kids. . .just how they "act."
With KIA about to start college, I have had a ton of thoughts on the whole parenting experience, and of course, I have been wondering for a loooooong time "how am I doing" in the parenting department. . .and trying to articulate that to some new parents who have asked me about my "feelings" on "the subject". . .
First, maybe because I was young and stupid, I never really had a chance to think about what kind of parent I would be- I knew what many of my family thought about my chances of parenting "well" but I did not really begin with any of the reflections of how and what parenting would be and what my kids would be like. I had no time to ponder and formulate the parenting path I would take- I read Dr. Spock to keep them healthy and well fed, and got them all of their check ups and such. . .but I never read any of the "buy this book to be a better parent" maybe I feared that I was going to find out how messed up I was gonna make these kids. . .because I am a reader, even my reading for grad school is/was a joy. . .so I suspect that I avoided these parenting books, and believe me, I got some for EVERY gift giving occasion. . .
I also never learned that whole "I am the parent and I never admit failure or weakness" lesson. My kids have seen me angry, freaked out, sad, depressed, and wrong, but they have never heard me lie to them and they never had to wait for an apology from me if I did something wrong, got the wrong information, or if I was just plain in the wrong. I always considered it important to be honest with them, about everything they were asking about, they know about my younger years, and about my mistakes and my modest victories. . .hey there were some:)
I shared my music with them, and did not limit theirs, they were allowed to listen to all the Parental Warned lyrics, and well, none of them worship Satan, though KIA does have intense fondness for Buckethead and Iron Maiden. . .we go to the concerts, we see the fans, and I am never their buddy at these events, I am always mom. . .but I am mom at Ozzfest or Mayhem fest- I am not ever a different person when I am with them, I am always me. . .
I also realize that those promises that I made to my future kids were pretty lame. . .and I only kept 1. . .remember those promises? When I have kids I am not going to make them/I am going to let them/They will not have to. . .yeah, and the check is in the mail! The only promise I kept? They get all the crap cereal they can hold. . .most as dessert, but still, all the crap that is kosher? They get it. . .
I realize that I do not see my kids as extensions and reflections of myself- I love them for the people they are, and do not really worry about how they seem to others, well, except the whole criminal/thug aspect. . .they ARE required to be law abiding for goodness sake! But they are not expected to follow a path I set for them, it is one of my better moments, the point that I saw my kids as people in their own right, not little robots that I was supposed to program in any fixed way. I sent KIA and Muffin to camps for weeks at a time, and encouraged them to travel at every chance- KIA went to Houston for Forensics, and he also went all over the state competing in meets. . .he has really grown up this past 2 years, and I am really proud of him.
Muffin is also growing up fast, this past summer and his camp experience was very good for him- and unlike my camping, Facebook has made it really easy to stay in touch with his camp friends. . .
The younger ones are also growing up fast, and since it seems to be working, I will keep up the same methodology. . .
But about the wine. . .the adult beverage of choice, well, as a person heavily into ritual, the whole EVENT itself is the coolest part- my glass, the kind of wine, the music, the setting of sitting on my porch and quaffing the elixir of maturity. . .sigh, adult ritual HEAVEN- I am alone with my thoughts, my music and my wine, and I am a woman who also happens to be mom.
Ahhh, my co parent. . . .Cheers!
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