Today's soundtrack

Cover me
when I walk alone
Cover me, when my stance it stumbles home
Cover me, we'll trip on through the sands of time
And cover me
Cause I've been branded
I've lost my mind lost my mind
But you'll cover me yeah.. give me shelter from the storm.
Over me you fade into the night
Over me you melt into the light
Over me you will fear the things I need
over me you will feel the hate I breed
you're under me
And you will question my authority
you're under me
you will lose almost everything
you're under me
you will feel the pain I bring you
you're under me
And you never change,
you never change a fucking thing
Not a fucking thing
But you'll cover me
yeah, give me shelter from the storm
Cover me cover me
Don't you cover me cover me
won't you cover me cover me shelter from the stormyeah,
yeah, no, no ,no.
people push shove on time I give it to you What I have is What is mine I feel it for you
You've got to cover me
you've got to cover me
people take, people steal I have it for you
What I have is What I fear I fear it for you
you've got to cover me
cause I've been branded a broken man
Broken man
But you'll cover me, yes give me shelter from the storm

More sick

The antibiotics are not working, may have to go back to the IV kind. . .still hopeful to turn this around but so tired all the time now. . .:(

Ok whining over:)

Precious has lost the battle and is now fully aware of his bathroom expectations. . .

Told you I'd win Precious, told ya!

Hope is kindled

I am open to unexpected blessings. Life is filled with surprises, both big and small. They may come through an unexpected phone call from a friend,exciting news of a new opportunity, or a surprise invitation to an event. Each surprise bears its own gift and blessing.
I am open to life's surprises and to the unforeseen treasures that come my way. As I become receptive, I release any expectations about how my life will unfold, for I know that G-d is in charge. The light and love of G-d fill me and those I care for, leading each of us along life's path. I look forward to the surprises that come my way. I may see some as treasures and some as challenges but I can be sure that each surprise blesses me and opens my life to unexpected good.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.--Matthew 6:21

Yes, I know not my book, but you can't argue with the logic. . .

Working on it. . .

Song in my head

As I sit here and slowly close my eyes
I take another deep breath
And feel the wind pass through my body
I'm the one in your soul

Reflecting inner light
Protect the ones who hold you
Cradling your inner child
I need serenity
In a place where I can hide
I need serenity
Nothing changes, days go by
Where do we go when we just don't know
And how do we relight the flame when it's cold
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing
And when will we learn to control
Tragic visions slowly stole my life
Tore away everything
Cheating me out of my time
I'm the one who loves you
No matter wrong or right
And every day I hold you
I hold you with my inner child
I need serenity
In a place where I can hide
I need serenity
Nothing changes, days go by
Where do we go when we just don't know
And how do we relight the flame when it's cold
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing
And when will we learn to control
Where do we go when we just don't know
And how do we relight the flame when it's cold
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing
And when will we learn to control
I need serenity

One step back

So- life happened again. . .last week's doctor's appointment was not great, and I am back on the nausea inducing haven't-we-tried-this-shit-before-with-terrrible-results? medication. . .which cured the problem, albeit with a 15 pound weight loss. . .which I can't really afford anymore (???)- wow did I just say I can't afford to lose weight???

Tired, drained because Precious has not been sleeping, and when he is not asleep, I am not. He is always so in tune with me, and it is funny how he gets so in my face when I am sick, so cute trying to get me to do what he wants and not do anything at all. . .always reminding me "Mommy being sick is OVER!"

Slowly getting mr revisions done. . .tick tock

Step 1

Gave my sketches to the artist today. . .he is going to create my masterpiece! Yay!

Love the smell

of a fresh new semester. . .:)

Not for the weak at heart

Potty training. . .under the umbrella is going ok- But it is slow going. Precious has been trained for awhile now, but with all of the drama has regressed to the point of daily laundry and several night time bedding changes. . .I am falling asleep standing up sometimes. . .

The trick is to not let it become part of the routine. . .and that is what our epic battle is about now. . .he is wanting to have this be part of his routine. . .and I am not letting him. Another battle of the wills that I will win. . .oh yes Precious, I will win this one too!

04-07-10

The date of wonderful symbolism and resurrection! The date of my new beginning:)

Sets of 5

Five things I can't live without
My family and loved ones
My iPod(but I have to because it died)
chocolate
Dancing
Books

Five things I can do without
Cell Phones (no really I miss being unreachable!)
The Snuggi
Meat
Paper cuts
Rude people

Five things that you may not know about me
I was a tomboy growing up, but loved to dance- and would have made a play for dancing for a living until a hockey accident complete with open compound fracture of all 3 leg bones kind of messed that up:)
I was a nurse for 7 years
My favorite holiday to celebrate is St. Patricks Day. I make a traditional Irish Breakfast complete with homemade soda bread and so want the traditional pan someday! :)
My favorite color is pink
In a fight between pasta and pizza- I am not sure who would win:)


Five things off my bucket list
Get Back to Ireland
Get to Cape Cod
GRADUATE
Stay overnight at someplace haunted
Meet ONE of my favorite Davids someday- Draiman, Duchovny, or Depp (ok so not a David but hey, why not?)

Words to study by. . .

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit—Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is odd with its twists and turns,

As everyone sometimes learns.

And many a person turns about

When an individual might have won

had he or she stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow—You may succeed with yet another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than it seems

To a faint and faltering woman or man;

Often the struggler has given up

When he or she might have captured the victor's cup;

And one learned too late when the night came down,

How close he or she was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out—The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And when you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit—It's when things seem worst, you mustn't quit.

So. . .

In my quest to stay positive and be on my game- I am planning a most awesome of semesters. . .and will be bringing you all with me:)

Did you see the new autism person movie coming out? OMG Rainmom becomes cattle whisperer. . .staring Claire Danes. . .I will withhold judgement until I see it. . .BUT

I guess it is about time for a new face of autism. . .NOT

Location, location, location. . .

A place for myself and those closest to me- that is where my expression will be- and once I get the doctor's ok- I will be scheduling the appointment for a very VERY symbolic date and time:)

Colors will be Purple, blue, green, red, pink, yellow and black. . .not very big, but looking forward to the after ink cocktail. . .:)

Sure with all of the medical procedures and hell CHILD BIRTH- I am worried about a little ink? Sheesh!

Happy Birthday Muffin!

16 kiddo! Wow, there is just so much to say to you. . .but the most important thing is Muffin, I am blessed beyond belief that we made it this far.

When we found out about your heart defect, we were stunned, shocked, scared, panic stricken and well, I WAS PISSED. To this day, I remember the cold harsh attitude of the doctor who told us about it- we had brought you in for a routine thing, your eye was leaking ick, and when she listened to your heart she said. . .hmmmmm well, you DO realize he has a whole in his heart somewhere. WTF- um no, we did not. And she says, well, you are going to have to get him in this week, if the cardiologist from Children's was not visiting this week, I would be having you go there today (it was Saturday you were 6 weeks old). Really? It is that bad?

Well, she said, it could be fatal. OMH WHAT??? FATAL? Shouldn't he be going now? She said no we could wait, but if you showed any signs of turning blue (?????), sweating, excessive sleeping (WTF HE IS 6 WEEKS OLD!) I should call 911. . .she then says well, have a good weekend (??????????) and leaves!!!!!!!

Muffin I got you dressed,and wrapped you up and held you close. . .and cried, just once for that time, let myself wallow in self pity for just a bit. . .then I went on the attack. Called and made that appointment with the cardiologist that day ( I do not CARE if it is Saturday, my son NEEDS this appointment- now schedule it!), and I started reading up on this, found out that VSD was a shifty bitch to treat, a most worrisome heart condition. . . well then- GAME ON!

ECos, and x rays, sedation and screaming fits of terror as we went every month to get you checked out. Seeing your heart on the screen, the blood just gushing out of that hole in your heart, OMG I almost passed out with fear- you were sedated, and I was alone, your dad was never able to come to any of these appointments I realized- through the "procedures" (that felt like surgery), and the meds, and the fear and the pain. . .through it all we were there together. I remember that night after the discovery, when we were snuggled, I had just nursed you and you had sacked out as usual and I felt that stab of fear. Now I knew there was something wrong, what if what if WHAT IF? I love you, my heart was so full of love for you, but I was afraid to love you. . .what if I lost you? Then, as if you could hear my thoughts, you opened your eyes and looked right at me, and your hand moved toward my face, and I just knew- I knew the risks of loving you, and there was no way I could withhold that love from you. We were in it to win it- no half assed fight and no maybe. . . we will beat this. . .VICTORY IS OUR ONLY OPTION!

And we got it- finally, your heart was healed, and you were just fine. . .we were just fine, and I knew that no matter what, it was always good to take a chance on love, because in the end love is its own reward- loving you was and is its own reward Muffin.

You have faced more challenges, and while you have stumbled, you have not given up and you have not given in- and I respect and love you so much for that! I am proud of the man you are!

We still have so much living to do yet. . .and we will Muffin we will!

Happy birthday!

Love Ema

Ok ok OK! Here it is- Needed- a Home for this

Somewhere on my body. . .

A few more days. . .

sooooooo exciting!

We may just be on to something. . .

I so totally hope so- another 2 days and I will let you in on it. . .it is HUGE for us here under the umbrella!

Wow. . .we may just be there. . .

still too early but if so? THIS IS HUGE AND ABSOLUTELY AWESOME!

Work in progress

Will update ASAP;)

Peace

What is the best part of surviving the past year? The peace in my house right now at this time, and the feeling of being free. . .deep breaths from deep inside because the anxiety and fear is gone, along with the source, and he will not be coming back.

Yes, there has been so much to fear, so many things that I have not been able to control, but things are so much better now. . .and well, last week I realized that I had really come along way.

I was driving down to Chicago to pick up my son, and was driving on a road I was not too familiar with, two lane, and it started to snow, making it slippery. The car ahead of me was moving fast, but then suddenly slammed on the brakes, and I went into a skid, turned 180, and my car began to slide into oncoming traffic. . .backwards- my car was facing the wrong way. . .

Through it all, my mind played all of the rules for this kind of situation, what to do, and I did so, no fear, no yelling, not a peep, as I regained control of my car and was able to assess the situation and realize that I was not in any immediate danger and then, started down the road again. I did notice after a bit that my hands were slightly shaking. . .but other than that, not so much and it was then, finally, that I understood just how much my life had changed and how I had been changed by it- unexpected, possibly life threatening event. . .dealt with and done that. . .time to live your life without fear of the unknown- life is the unknown, and so far, I have been able to kick the unknown's ass!

Rock on 2010!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Make EVERY DAY COUNT

My personal balance. . .

AWWWWESOME!

Lake Michigan

Hate my smile but LOOK AT MY PRECIOUS!
The Jellies

2/3 of my children. . . .

Rocking. . . .

Fish and fun

This fish was just everywhere Precious was. . .soooo cute:)

Precious gets face to face with his fish admirer. . .

Step 1

Future Marine Biologist

Tracking The Sea Monster

Chillaxing brothers

Love Under the Sea

Water gazers like their Ema

A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

His lyrics offer outlet Todah Rabah Chaver!

Fellow fans I gave birth to

Gut Yontif

Dreidel

Precious Proud

Snow Angel

The best zoo visitors evah!

Cuteness squared

Rocking Ema

Baby Cocoa