HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIA!!!!!!!!

One of my all time favorite pictures

This is the very essence of you KIA- poised, ready for action alert and watchful

20th century meets 21rst- yes he is talking to 2 people at once, one on land line, one on cell!

Precious and KIA

Playing John Proctor in The Crucible- Senior year in high school

20 years ago today, my mini me was born. I knew it right away for many reasons-

You were born. . .STUBBORN. . .so much so that you did not breathe right away. . .and had to be whisked away for your first few minutes to get revived. . .somewhat. . .I found out later that you were actually clenched fisted DEFIANT and did not FEEL LIKE breathing just then, and ACTUALLY resisted the oxygen you were given. . .until um "encouraged" to accept it. . .

I looked at you, and knew the name I had picked out was not gonna do it. . .Aaron. . .ummmmm NOPE you do not look like an Aaron. . .so you will be CAMERON, and yes, it fits you perfectly! Unique, strong, and since the unfortunate incident with the golf club, even its literal meaning fits. . .

Oh, and the unique nature of you was so obvious right away- not going into your deep sleep. . .almost EVERY SINGLE BABY BORN EVER would sack out for 5-7 hours after birth. . .and YOU my sweet one. . .refused, with the cheerful nurse bringing you in to my room and you squalling your head off, saying in her chirpy voice "he just doesn't want to go into his deep sleep. . .giggle" Ummmm, yeah, funny a baby that doesn't want to sleep. . .he is SOOOOOOO my kid:) WALKING before you got your first tooth, not napping after you were a year old, your complete disinterest in fiction books as a kid, going hard down for the fact books on everything from weather to rocks. Your taste in music is nothing short of amazing, I have learned so much from you, being your mom made me a better person. I can honestly say I would not be who I am without the amazing presence you bring to my life! And your literary interests, from LOTR to graphic novels and everything in between- you are an amazing individual in every sense of the word, and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Never one to follow always ready to lead and NEVER ever doing something because you were told to. . .as vexing as that is as your mom, as a fellow human being, I totally respect the hell out of you for your fierce independence, your unwavering idealism, and your stubborn streak that runs through you like a strand of titanium making your backbone strong and your commitment to your sense of right and wrong unshakable.

AND you have now committed to a career that fills me with pride- you want to teach college history someday, and will be going after your dream of a doctorate in history. . .Cameron, wow, every time I think you cannot amaze me any more than you do- you surprise me.

I love you today and every day CamMan.

Happy Birthday!

Love,

Ema

The results are in. . .and I am officially

Cancer Free. . .


YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another New Year

Wishing you all the best, have a wonderful New Year, with lots of things to smile about and few things to make you sad. . .

Dream big, Smile lots, and Love more

Eat your heart out Martha!

Butter

Happy Cocoa

Precious presents

Ummmmmm really?


Yay Mom's pancakes!

If you had told me. . .

Merry Christmas and here's a thought. . .or two
If you had told me a year ago that I would be where I am today, I would have told you you were crazy.
If you had told me 5 years ago that someday I would be the single mom of 6 and beat a serious illness, I would have told you you were crazy
If you had told me 7 years ago that my son Precious would be as typical a child as he is today, mainstreamed and sassy, making jokes and making me laugh every day. . .I would have told you you were crazy
If you had told me 10 years ago that someday I would have 2 college degrees and close to getting a third, I would have told you you were crazy
If you had told me 20 years ago that someday I would have 6 kids, I would have told you you were crazy
Someone told me today that I will never finish that dissertation. . .

WATCH ME!

Trying to Mom up on Life

Minor crisis averted. . .whew, but it did acts as a way to get me out of the ridiculous mope I was in and well, JUST in time. . .because again, it is up to me to create holiday memories. . .just like last year

THIS year, inspired by watching Martha bake brownies with Snoop Dogg, no REALLY she was, and he was talking about green brownies, and she was trying to rap. . OMG MARTHA I knew it I JUST KNEW some of the common wench like me was there. . .guess all that time in Club Fed made you decide to keep it real. . .SO

for Christmas 2009- I kicked it fo shizzle-

BEHOLD- A Chirstmas Miracle, the vision I wanted so badly

The Vision I got-

But it was all good- all day yesterday I got to baking up a storm and had an amazing day with my babies- turkey drumstick soup in the crock pot made dinner a non issue. . .and well it was all so very good. . .

Cross section of a holiday nexxus



Cocoa the Builder!

Worried about forgetting the words. . .Baby just SING!!!!!!!!!

PIRATES!!!!!!!

a GOOD GOOD Day Under the umbrella. . .

A sad day. . .

CWOAE- This one is for you. . .

Go unnoticed
Let the freedom wash away
Losing focus
The pretense is second nature
It's a broken life that i cling to
Trying to make right
I feel dismay just like you do
I feel decayed
So find me a way to leave this wasted life
Behind me (this wasted life)
Find me a way to leave this wasted life
Behind me after all
Yes i see you Surrounded by the hopeless
When they need you
You're much too good and bloated
By the hopeless life that you cling to
Try to make right
I feel disdain just like you do
I feel decayed
So find me a way to leave this wasted life
Behind me (this wasted life)
Find me a way to leave this wasted life
Behind me after all
Go away Go away
And just leave me here
Just leave me here
Just leave me here
So find me a way to leave this wasted life
Behind me (this wasted life)
Find me a way to leave this wasted life
Behind me after all
This wasted life

Daydreaming of Erie

Belfast N. Ireland

Irish Sea Storm

Off the Coat of the Irish Sea

County Claire

County Claire

Almost 5 years ago. . .wow!

So true, especially today of all days

My eyes are open wide
By the way I made it through the day
I watch the world outside
By the way I'm leaving out today
I just saw Hayley's comet shooting
Said "why you always running in place?
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere"
Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance
Please don't cry one tear for me
I'm not afraid of what I have to say
This is my one and only voice
So listen close, it's only for today
I just saw Hayley's comet shooting
Said "why you always running in place?
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere"
Here is my chance
This is my chance
Sometimes goodbye
Is a second chance

Lost and Found

Took me awhile to post about this, it happened last week, right before the snowstorm. Every mom's nightmare- I got a call from school asking where Precious was. . .and I had put him on the bus that morning, so there was no reason he should NOT be there. . .OMG!
FRANTIC. . .PANIC.....OMG where is MY SON?????? The school has called his dad, his older brothers, and me, I am just freaking out BIG.TIME. While on the phone, they get ahold of the bus driver, and she confirms that he had been dropped off at school, but he was not there. WHAT????? OMG who has my Precious????
I am ready to throw up at this point, trying so hard not to just start bawling, and I pull over ready to turn around in the VERY SPECIAL PLACE reserved for police cars to wait for me to give me my monthly speeding ticket. . .and I realize I can't breathe so well, and I feel a bit faint. . .until I mentally slap myself and mom up on this. . .they are still looking for him, and I am begging for them to call 911. . .and I realize I have been PUT ON HOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SERIOUSLY??? My son is missing and you are putting me on hold like I am asking about the bake sale??????? Tick Tock, Tick Tock, my heart feels like it is going to explode, and I realize I am very close to passing out, but mom up more and wait. . .for the 2 minutes that felt like 2 days for the click and the we FOUND HIM!
He had gone into school and had found his place, without anyone noticing I guess, and was safe.

One of the things I have been working so hard on is getting him to go about his business as he can, motivated by his understanding of what is expected of him, which is exactly what he did here, but because no one thought he would or could do this, wide spread panic ensued. . .

Wow, Precious, next time let me know when you going to go about your business. . .and please, check in with those who will miss you if you are not there, ok?

OMG, wow!

I'm from Wisconsin, and I can handle it. . .the rebuttal

What? All I said was "act normal"

Ice crunchy hair

Cocoa, Javier, Butter

Cocoa, Maria, Butter

The best. snowbaby. EVER.

Blizzard shmizzard the life of a born and bred Wisconsin woman teaches her that the snow will always be there, and that you can fear it, avoid it or meet it in a HEAD ON FULL ON TAKE NO SHIT kind of way. . .I went with the 3rd option, all my life I have loved to laugh in the face of snow, and it is now at the point where going into a ditch is not a big deal at all. . .laughing all the way through winter.

Today, winter laughed back. . .big TIME.

So, kids have no school and my school is open (well it was not supposed to be but they did not get the memo and neither did I) and with the last comments on my draft being something along the lines of "you are an idiot and why are you wasting my time and how did you get a Master's anyway. . ." (not really, settle down Amanda, that's just what I heard in my head;) and with my need to meet and prove I can write lit review. . .as long as I am not trying to write the introduction to my dissertation. . .;) (remember Laura? My first draft of my Master's proposal?;) I decided the time was right to head down the interstate safe and blissed out on the fact that the kids were home safe, I had shoveled the walk and drive, the need to rush home to make supper was not needed thanks to the best.invention.EVER. (yummy spaghetti and meatballs) and the power was back on, so all signs said that I had a wonderful chance to get some work done on campus.

NOT

I did go off the road, exactly half way to campus. (which decided to close at 1pm I found out later) However, I was not concerned, I am prepared. I take out my shovel, and begin to free my car. The shovel is an old one, metal and a bit rusty. . .yep you can see it coming can't you?

Missed the snow but did get my leg. BAD. Like cut through my pants and got me. OK, I don't feel the pain right away and am more annoyed by the rip in my pants, until the blood starts to pool on the ground next to my foot. I grab a handful of snow (did I mention the salt trucks were surely out?) and wipe my leg off to get a look.

BLOODY. FARKIN.HELL. That looks bad. I now understand the reason for the pool. . .and think, wow, should probably get that looked at. . .after I get my car out. Finally do that and head back to town. I go to the walk in clinic- and it is closed due to the weather. I am told that if I need any assistance I should go to the ER- which I do, along with half of the people who were supposed to be seen that day at the clinic.

Due to my, thank goodness (??) obvious distress. . .lots of bleeding. . .still and the fact that I really REALLY cannot remember when I had a tetanus shot. . .I am put at the top of the. . .when hell freezes over list. This gives the clerk a chance to announce to the entire town that because YOU have NO INSURANCE you will be required to pay a 100 deposit. . .fine. Whateves. . .I know irony IRONY given my dissertation but hey, it's on my to do list.

So, get in and get cleaned up (all of which I could have done from free, but they would not give me the shot without the cleaned up view of the leg) and then in comes the shot. . .carried by the most pissed off women I have EVER seen in. my. LIFE! Seriously? She says to turn around and well, blush blush drop them, I said "Pardon me?" Ok this was a HUGE mistake cause as I mentioned she was ALREADY pissed off and she had a needle the size of which was growing. a LOT. every time I looked at it. She said, "look ma'am (bitch) I do not have time for this. Your shot is going on your *(& because of where you are hurt and those puny little arms" Oh HELL to the NO- did she just say that to me? Yep. . .and I was about to respond as only RAINMOM can when I saw the needle had grown another 5 feet. . .and decided to cut my losses and do as I was told.

ummmmmmm that was another mistake- should have asked for a new person or been a bit more charming. Holy HELL did that hurt, and as a commuter, let's just say I will be thinking of my precious little interlude with Brunhilde NeedleJammer for a loooooooong time.

Headed home past the clinic (which had actually decided to open NATCH) and laughed my way through this post as I tell you all. . .wow, Winter you totally p'wd my ASS today All Hail!

Not all lost, the pics say it all, the most important parts of my life were awesome today. . .

Wordless Today

400- L'Chaim

Silly November Women

Snow Dog and Wonderful Girl- A new Adventure

Blizzard- not the DQ kind 2009

Wind is amazingly strong

No plows of course!

To Life-

Yep, I dedicate this most auspicious post to you- to life.

Funny how so many things come to mind when you think about life- the fact that you have one, or don't and what does that mean? I have no life, I have a life. . .really? Get a life, I have a a life, you are my life, and what is the meaning of life. . .

When I think now about life and my life I realize how much my views on life have changed. Things I thought would haunt me for life are starting to go away because of a wonderful addition to my life. Places in my heart I thought had no more life are showing signs of life. . .I almost lost my life, twice, physically and emotionally only to have those things return and restored. . .to Life.

My children are my life they are the reason I can and do go on, and so many others in my life that are special, and who have motivated me, inspired me, and loved and cared for me, and made me realize so many things about myself. . .I have a very thankful life. . .indeed.

Could not sleep now- it is after midnight, checke don the kids and went out into the blizzard to see wht I could see- snow with a life of its own, and the blowing wind the thunder and the lightning. . .wow one in a lifetime? Maybe. . .

To all of my special people who make my life rich, wonderful and who care about me I say-

To life! To life! L'chai-im! L'chai-im, l'chai-im, to life!

If you've been lucky, then Monday was No worse than Sunday was,

Drink l'chai-im, to life.

To life, l'chai-im! L'chai-im, l'chai-im, to life!

One day it's honey and raisin cake,

Next day a stomach ache, Drink L'chai-im, to life!

Our great men have written words of Wisdom to be used When hardship must be faced;

Life obliges us with hardship So the words of wisdom shouldn't go to waste.

To us and our good fortune

Be happy be healthy, long life!

And if our good fortune never comes

Here's to whatever comes,

Drink l'chaim, to life!

To life, to life, l'chai-im,! L'chai-im, l'chai-im, to life!

Life has a way of confusing us

Blessing and bruising us, Drink l'chaim, to life,

To life, l'chaim! L'chaim, l'chaim, to life!

A gift we seldom are wise enough

Ever to prize enough,

Drink l'chaim, to life!

God would like us to be joyful

Even though our hearts lie panting on the floor;

How much more can we be joyful,

When there's really something To be joyful for.

To life, to life, L'chai-im! L'chai-im, l'chai-im, to life!

It gives you something to think about,

Something to drink about, Drink l'chai-im, to life! l'chai-im !

TO LIFE!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRECIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baby Boy!

10 years ago today, we started down this road together- and what a road it's been! From the scary to the amazing, the sad and the glad, through it all my Precious, one thing has never EVER wavered, my belief in the factual statement

I knew you could do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I found out you had autism, and that we had a few things to take care of, and that I had to get my butt in gear, one thing became my mantra, and I NEVER EVER FORGOT. . .that you could do it, all of it, I just had to figure out a way to get everyone else to understand that. Remember, Precious? Remember that first day of school? Maybe not but I do and wow!

We won so much didn't we? The right to be there when people tried to keep you out. Your humanity when people tried to treat you like condition. Your dignity when people tried to treat you like you did not understand. . .and LOOK WHERE YOU ARE PRECIOUS!!!!

MAINSTREAMED, LOUD AND PROUD and so totally down with your bad self, not an autistic self- your autism is only part of who you are. . .YOU ARE YOU and I AM SOOOOOOO proud of you!

Happy Birthday Precious- I love you!

When I'm feeling Blue

All I have to do is take a look at you, then I'm not so blue. . .

Love you my babies!