Wordless Today

400- L'Chaim

Silly November Women

Snow Dog and Wonderful Girl- A new Adventure

Blizzard- not the DQ kind 2009

Wind is amazingly strong

No plows of course!

To Life-

Yep, I dedicate this most auspicious post to you- to life.

Funny how so many things come to mind when you think about life- the fact that you have one, or don't and what does that mean? I have no life, I have a life. . .really? Get a life, I have a a life, you are my life, and what is the meaning of life. . .

When I think now about life and my life I realize how much my views on life have changed. Things I thought would haunt me for life are starting to go away because of a wonderful addition to my life. Places in my heart I thought had no more life are showing signs of life. . .I almost lost my life, twice, physically and emotionally only to have those things return and restored. . .to Life.

My children are my life they are the reason I can and do go on, and so many others in my life that are special, and who have motivated me, inspired me, and loved and cared for me, and made me realize so many things about myself. . .I have a very thankful life. . .indeed.

Could not sleep now- it is after midnight, checke don the kids and went out into the blizzard to see wht I could see- snow with a life of its own, and the blowing wind the thunder and the lightning. . .wow one in a lifetime? Maybe. . .

To all of my special people who make my life rich, wonderful and who care about me I say-

To life! To life! L'chai-im! L'chai-im, l'chai-im, to life!

If you've been lucky, then Monday was No worse than Sunday was,

Drink l'chai-im, to life.

To life, l'chai-im! L'chai-im, l'chai-im, to life!

One day it's honey and raisin cake,

Next day a stomach ache, Drink L'chai-im, to life!

Our great men have written words of Wisdom to be used When hardship must be faced;

Life obliges us with hardship So the words of wisdom shouldn't go to waste.

To us and our good fortune

Be happy be healthy, long life!

And if our good fortune never comes

Here's to whatever comes,

Drink l'chaim, to life!

To life, to life, l'chai-im,! L'chai-im, l'chai-im, to life!

Life has a way of confusing us

Blessing and bruising us, Drink l'chaim, to life,

To life, l'chaim! L'chaim, l'chaim, to life!

A gift we seldom are wise enough

Ever to prize enough,

Drink l'chaim, to life!

God would like us to be joyful

Even though our hearts lie panting on the floor;

How much more can we be joyful,

When there's really something To be joyful for.

To life, to life, L'chai-im! L'chai-im, l'chai-im, to life!

It gives you something to think about,

Something to drink about, Drink l'chai-im, to life! l'chai-im !

TO LIFE!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRECIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baby Boy!

10 years ago today, we started down this road together- and what a road it's been! From the scary to the amazing, the sad and the glad, through it all my Precious, one thing has never EVER wavered, my belief in the factual statement

I knew you could do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I found out you had autism, and that we had a few things to take care of, and that I had to get my butt in gear, one thing became my mantra, and I NEVER EVER FORGOT. . .that you could do it, all of it, I just had to figure out a way to get everyone else to understand that. Remember, Precious? Remember that first day of school? Maybe not but I do and wow!

We won so much didn't we? The right to be there when people tried to keep you out. Your humanity when people tried to treat you like condition. Your dignity when people tried to treat you like you did not understand. . .and LOOK WHERE YOU ARE PRECIOUS!!!!

MAINSTREAMED, LOUD AND PROUD and so totally down with your bad self, not an autistic self- your autism is only part of who you are. . .YOU ARE YOU and I AM SOOOOOOO proud of you!

Happy Birthday Precious- I love you!

When I'm feeling Blue

All I have to do is take a look at you, then I'm not so blue. . .

Love you my babies!

What it all comes down to. . .

Full moon over my house 2009

no matter what, it is always going to be about how much you can take in life- and how much you are willing to put up with, and in the end if the trade off is worth it, good for you!

What it took me forever to learn is that in the whole scheme of things, it was and is totally appropriate to consider so many things, not the least of which- my own feelings, and wants and needs and goals and good traits and shortcomings. . .weird to learn this lesson now, after a lifetime of not knowing.

Too many things to go into now- know that things are feeling. . .odd right now, in the words of Gandalf- the deep breath before the plunge is under the umbrella. Not sure why I have this feeling that something is about to break, or go wrong or bottom out or implode- have felt this way before, and know better than to ignore it. All other times of this creeping dread have resulted in well, it has always been, in hindsight, very appropriate to feel this way after all was said and done. . .Gottenyu!!!! So tired right now- hope it doesn't suck too badly. . .

Best for all concerned to batten down the hatches and wait for it to pass. . .

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COCOA!!!!

Wow! My baby is 8??????? NO WAY!

She had a HUGE day. . .breakfast out with her oldest brother Gambit, down to the best.place.ever. and deliciousness all around!

Baby girl- 8 years ago today my heart's wish for a precious daughter came true. As amazing as as wonderful as I knew it would be to have a baby girl, YOU, precious Cocoa, have shown me just how unprepared I was for the magic, beauty and awesome love I have with you. Your brothers are amazing in their own way, and there is a relationship I have with them that is theirs alone, just as I have with you.

We had the most amazing silly weird, cool and special time ever, and it was just us together, no plans no real ideas, just us, in the car and away we went. . .

You make my life so special and I love you!




Rocking out at American Girl

The Princess and her faithful mom

Ready for her dream doll!

Loves the escalators!

At breakfast this morning bright and early!

Broken ties over time. . .KARMA ALERT

Ever have one of those situations where someone has really screwed you over and has leveled you, at your core with all the ammo you gave them to use? Hey really. . .? Me too! :)

Well, maybe you are a much better person than I am- but in the aftermath of the marriage implosion. . .I admit I was wondering, dare I say hoping, that he would some day come to regret what he gave up. . .and that well, ok that it would at the very least sting. . .nothing bad, just feel regret. He did a lot of damage to my kids and to me, and wanted regret at least if not out and out remorse.

By promising to keep the kids out of it, NO bad mouthing, NO sniping, NO WAY WILL I TRASH THE MAN, I realized that it would be, well, some closure I guess, to realize that it really was his fault that we ended, and that, well, I dared to hope that by the time he did realize this, I would maybe have healed enough to maybe let someone in, and that when things did become clear to him, well, I would be feel sorry for him. . .maybe, but totally not be in any mind to entertain going back to that mess.

OMG- we can just say that Karma really IS watching what we do. . .and she really DOESN'T LIKE some actions a WHOLE LOT.

The OMG I HAVE TO HAVE HER feeling he had for one of the women he was with faded, one of the others went COMPLETELY MENTAL on him, and the OMG SHES THE ONE THAT I WISH I HAD MARRIED INSTEAD OF YOU left him high and dry and he found out that I was. . .well. . .blush blush fluttering eye lashes. . .you know.

Because of the insanity, I have had to add edits to make sure the reader can interpret his bullshit dialect- it is a vintage brand-

UMMMMMM he went completely nuts. I mean really.nucking futs. . .seriously and well, he seems a bit better but yeah, as in if you don't get the hell out of here I am calling the police kind of thing.

CWOAE*-SEE MY UNDYING LOVE (now that my Internet people are all crazy) for YOU. . . declarations of that sort are rare for me (to make with a straight face). . .don't throw away (??????????? WTF????) our marriage (ummmm it is already over. . .whoa!) give me another chance (to treat you like total shit) and make you feel (all of the humiliation I can) like you did when we were married.

Me- OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CWOAE- THINK of the KIDS (like I did when I left them at the park on the 4th with the psycho bitch I met online) and listen to your HEART (ummm my heart is elsewhere and it is under close guard, totally safe) YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME (to just get the fuck over it) and that I have been the only one for you (to come REALLY CLOSE TO wishing ill will to for a very long time). HOW can any guy (notice no use of the term man) COMPARE TO ME (ummmm why would they want to compare themselves to you???)

Me- OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CWOAE- YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME (to get a clue and stop scaring the kids) If you don't want me, I guess I WILL JUST HAVE TO MOVE ON (by this he means leaving the kids too)

Me- this is not the time or the place, go now. . .

CWOAE- FINE GOOD LUCK RAISING THEM YOURSELF (ummmmmm seriously dude????)

Ok, for those of you keeping score- yes, in addition to the 20 year old in our bed (that I got to witness in spectacular Jerry Springer fashion), and the online ones, including the psycho he was with when I found out I had cancer. . .NOW it is my fault. . .cause I had my chance to go back to the greatness it was. . not.

OMG- ALL HAIL KARMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* Cheating Whore of an Ex