For my Mother's Day Baby

Pumpkin Baby-

23 years ago today, I became a mom, your mom, on Mother's Day. You were a month and a half early, but weighed 6 pounds and 14 ounces, and you were born at 12:19pm. . .some light hair, and a sweet disposition, you slept like an angel. . .which I never took for granted after your siblings came along. . .

Sweetheart, that day was just an amazing moment, and every year, it becomes more and more amazing- as you get older and older, and have kids of your own some day, you will realize what I am talking about, maybe you already do- but you will really REALLY understand once you hold that child, and wonder at who they will be-

I confess, I did not imagine what your would be as an adult, no dreams of being a doctor, or a lawyer, or some other frou frou job- I only imagined how you would be as a person, and you are, by far, one of the most polite and considerate men I have ever known in my family. Your intellect, and your humor, and your affection and love you show to us all, me and the kids, is so special and so wonderful, you give to us from your heart every day, and I am so very VERY proud of the man you are now.

I know I was a teenager when you were born, and I know that part of the fear I felt that day was that I was going to really suck at being a mom, and well, you and I both know that I made mistakes, a LOT of them, but over time, we began to understand one another, and from there, we have become better people. One thing I never doubted was my ability to love you, Gambit. You had my heart before you were born, and I never EVER worried about my capacity to love you. . .it was there waiting for you when you were born.

I was not perfect, I did not read parrenting books, and when you were a baby, you;

slept on your back
Ate creal at 4 months
ate eggs at 4 months
used a walker. . .with wheels
faced the front in your car seat
played on playgrounds that had. . .gasp. . .concrete and asphalt!
You wore clothes with buttons and had a bumper pad on your crib
I carried you everplace and took you everywhere with me
we explored Madison, Mendota, Green Bay, Milwaukee, and Appleton you were my trust co pilot in the passenger seat, and we went all over the place. . .you and me

Gambit, words really cannot express just how much I love you, my sweet first born son, the first and most special Mother's Day present I ever got. . .a beautiful sweet son who today, is a 23 year old man that makes me proud. . .every minute of every day!

Love you,

Ema

Countdown- 7 Days until. . .

First Contact. . .

Coast of Maine

Summer 2009 begins on June 25, 2009. . .after 4pm. . .until then it is still hard down semester. . .

Cannot wait until Michigan!

More Chuck Norris. . .

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.


In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.


Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

AWESOME. . .:)

End of the semester, start of something good?

Let's get this summer STARTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They buried a child today

One who could not see the life ahead of him, only the fog of his day to day life- he saw pain, he saw fear, he saw things that those who loved him may never ever know, and it is their unending sorrow. . .this state of not knowing, that may be the hardest part of this all. . .this child, almost a man, loved, with friends and family, could not see the passing fancy of troubles. . .and acted accordingly.

Seeing the struggle of those left behind is the hardest, I have made a life out of fixing things, taking care of things, and trying to make people feel better, happy, and good about who they are. . .and in this case, I find I am unable to help, unable to fix it, and feel I fail those who may not be expecting me to, but who are hoping, were hoping, against all reason, that I could do SOMETHING. . .but I find I cannot. . .and it wounds me so much. . .

Watching the kids struggle to refer to their friend in the past tense, and seeing the tears in their eyes when they realize what they have said, catching themselves saying things like "this is just a bad dream" or "is this really real?" and the way their eyes remind me over and over. . .Mom, you have not fixed this yet. . .

I wish I could have helped this child, I wish so much that he could have been stopped- Rest in Peace, Jake, your family and friends miss you so much, and even me, someone who was incidentally a part of your life, will miss you, and think of you often.

You were loved, Jake, you are still loved.

Darkness and cloud

I rarely, if ever, spend much time trying to figure out why I am, or how I do, or who I want my kids to be- looking back, it was just not something my parents really spent time on. With our life the way it was, nothing mattered except how we, as a family, were going to get through the day, at some points, where we were going to sleep, how we were going to eat, present time and place took the majority of our attention, again as a group. I began working for money when I was 10- earning 1 dollar an hour as a babysitter, by the time I was 14, I was working at whatever jobs I could, picking produce in fields, lying about my age (this used to be really easy) and working in diners as a waitress or busing tables, or washing dishes. Summer "vacations" were really extended work hours and trying to build up a cushion of funds to get through the year. . .there was no "fun" and there was very little time for stopping to think if my life was dark, bereft of hope, or even wanting- retrospect being what it is, I now understand why I have made some of the parenting decisions I have. . .but I am nonetheless fascinated by those who engage in the daily pondering of their life direction, their path, their purpose, and most interestingly, their own sense of happiness and well being. The pursuit of a life of happiness is very foreign to me, well, in my experience, happiness was getting things done and surviving another day, so I cannot help but be interested in the way others think about this subject.

Friday, a young man took his life in the parking lot of his school- he was 17, smart, popular, had many close friends, a loving older brother, and a future that many would be so happy to look forward to, but he could not see it. This sweet, funny and sensitive young man could not see the passing darkness for what it was; passing clouds on the horizon of his life. He saw only the present dark, and felt that his life was just not worth living, that the darkness was the perpetual state of his life, rather than a passing phase. He foundered in this darkness, and eventually sought to escape it- by ending his life.

My 15 year old son was there when he did this. . .and saw the attempts, frantic and futile, to save this young man, who, by some accounts was able to speak after the fact. . .and the memory of this tragic death will be with him for years to come, but he is alive, and while the painful and horrific events of our life do leave their mark, they can also serve as benchmarks, reminders, of how far we, as human beings have come in our life journey.

Jacob- I mourn your loss- and cannot thank you enough for all the help you offered in your job to my son, Precious, when he needed just the right DVD title, or tried to mess with the settings of the electronics in your department. You were a sweet patient understanding young man, with a lot of things going for you and many people in your corner. I am so sorry for those close to you, who feel your loss so very much- our trips to the store you worked at will never be the same.

Rest In Peace, Jacob

June 10, 1991-May 1, 2009