The SAHM/EOTH Mom- Enemies?

On another blog the age old question. . .the SAHM vs. Employed outside the home Mom- The war continues

Ok, I have done both, and each one has +- yeh /nay. . .where are YOU on the spectum?

Yeh SAHM- Who has the kids? YOU DO! End of story. The absence of having the "back up plan" in case of illness, school closings and rained out play cannot EVER be OVERvalued! The majority of my working life now revolves around how/who/when/how long the kids are gonna be in need of care I cannot provide personally. Gottenyu!
Nay SAHM- The underlying notions that for whatever reason you cannot hack it in the "real world" unless you have a good reason for being home, I did, I have an autistic kid, you are somehow slacker/idiot material, ESPECIALLY if you attend any of your partner work functions. You are not even worthy of SMALL TALK!

Yeh EOTH Mom- The respect and self esteem that a job can bring, career or no. Even my part time work was the best at times, the people I helped were so appreciative, unlike certain others, and it was a chunk of time away from the house, which was starting to get quiet and untidy. I hated housework, still do.

Nay EOTH Mom- The feelings/comments/contradictions/conundrums/baggage/drek that comes with all the balancing/juggling/struggling/improvising that comes with trying to do, oh, I mean have it all. . .oh you have it all right. . .up until you stagger to bed. The innuendos that crop up when you relate a trial or tribulation that befalls you. . .and you were not on the scene at the time, the unasked question "well, where were YOU when this was going on?" And the ease you shift guilt, real or imaginary, to yourself, the default usual suspect!

So, why the war? What's the problem?

Well, if I had to I guess why we felt the need to judge moms like us and find them lacking, I would have to fall back on my "because once you become a mom you are judged" judge as ye are also judged rationale. We need to tear down those who challange our self esteem, and find faults. Too artificial, too plastic, those fit moms with their perfect bods, clothes nails. . .those moms do not look like they were EVER lived in!! The house of looking glass selfs, I guess.

I also think that if I really thought about it hard enough, I would be asking the question "where is dad?" In my life, dad is not judged the same as mom- I think my husband would pass out if he knew all that I do in a day all while working outside the home. It never occurs to me while ripping on "Bratz mom" and calling her names, that maybe I should sit Daddy Dearest down and demand his time and effort around the house and the children. He who has no clue when Precious was last tested and what his progress was at that time. No idea what classes KIA is taking this year, what colleges he is applying to. . .

To be fair, the moms I am jealous of show a self that may not be entirely authentic. They may have a new outfit because their way of coping with isolation and being lonely is shopping. They may have a doting mother who sends them money, they may be able to stay at home because they lost their life partner in a horrible way and were able to secure some financial security- I may never know, will never know, because I am too busy judging them and myself, and finding myself lacking for my inability to fall intothe stereotype, listen to the right music and be the right kind of mom.I am lucky, my kids seem to like the mom I am, and I guess at the end of the day, when I take my shower :), that is really what is important!

M