Send Chamuel

When I was lost in the darkness and unable to see any light, I prayed for light and G-d Blinked

When I was hopeless and alone, and felt sure the pain would kill me, I begged for relief, and G-d blinked

When I was struggling to find the answers to the questions of my heart, and praying for a sign for guidence, G-d blinked

I am alone, and I am waiting for G-d to blink

Nothing like another year

Ever had one of those lives. . .

So much drama going on it is not to be believed, and well, quite honesty, the Rainmom is about to drown. I cannot ever remember being this pushed up against the wall emotionally, physically, and mentally, and I can also say I do not EVER remember being this close to a total and complete meltdown on all fronts.

You get to a point, when you have just had SO MUCH DRAMA for SO FUCKING LONG that you lose the ability to effectively deal with it, and your defenses and your soul weaken, and well, you worry about dragging new and special people down with you in the insanity that your life feels like it is becoming.

SO MUCH SO CLOSE and so many wonderful things to really bolster the umbrella, but the weakness is in the knowledge that someone who was unworthy has the inside scoop on all of your weaknesses and your insecurities, all of your Achilles spots, mostly your heart, and uses them in cruel and unusual ways until you wonder what the HELL you ever saw in them int he first place. . .

The kids are fine, well as fine as they can be, the mom is haning on fo rdear life, and waiting for some relief. . .

Taking a few days

Back soon. . .

Future. . .steps

Incredibly adaptable, very hardy, and able to handle extremes, beautiful to see in both the summer and winter months. . .hmmmmmmm;)

We may just have a winner with this one. . .

More Journey

2008 Fall Door County

Cocoa 2008

Pensive Precious Door County 2007

Me in Ireland 2005

Belfast Mural- 2005

More Precious Steps

Fall Musings

So, one of my students observed that Thanksgiving is about 3 weeks, less than 3 weeks away. . .already. . .and it got me thinking, what are we truly thankful for and what do we truly values in our lives?

Over these last 3 years, I have had a lot of opportunity, some would argue too many opportunities, to ponder my place, if there is one, in this world, is it a duty to leave a mark, some positive stamp on the world you inhabit for a lifetime, or are we to shuffle off quietly, without making too much of a fuss?

For a very long time now, I have been thinking that my role, my duty and obligation was to make something of myself- that if I did not have what I started out to get, that it would mean that I had somehow failed in life, no matter what I actually did achieve. Over the past few months, I have come to realize that who I am may just be good enough. . .but that I will feel so totally COMPLETE with my doctorate, and that has made all the difference. My education has always been fun, but now, it is so much more so, because it will add to who I already am, not validate me as a human being. . .does that make sense?

Also, by focusing on the goal, I realized I was missing the journey, and THAT was just not acceptable. The journey has been INCREDIBLE and it is STILL incredible, and new and wonderful things are still possible. . .and in honor of that realization. . .some of the journey so far. See above for precious steps on this journey.