Goodness, the Internet really is forever. . .

So much has changed and so much has stayed the same- darn face.book and its easy peasy lemon squeezy method of virtual interaction!

Kids are all fine- I am holding steady, and the world continues to astound, amaze and horrify me. . .so yeah, there is that. . .

Astound- The fact that so many states are getting with the program and making it possible for marriage between two loving adults legal, hell yes!

Amaze- I now have a high school junior, a freshman and a 7th grader! Just wow, how the heck can that be possible? In addition I now have a son, KIA, in Grad School!!! Huzzah and my sympathies :)

Horrified- the elections in my beloved state- Oy Gevalt, where to start? Just sick at the erosion of the proud traditions of Wisconsin, loud and proud some of the newly elected are on record as being pretty much anti EVERYTHING that matters to me. . .just bloody hell. . .

Time for random pictures!!

 RIP Satan the cat

 KIA graduates!

Full Moon at the Lake

Soul Man. . .and a LOT of laundry


I'd love to say I plan on blogging more often, but best laid plans and all. . .we are still under the umbrella and making our way through:)

Blue Collar Doctoral Canidate

Funny how time away from the place that lends strength to your master status can erode certain things. . .
Fiscally speaking, getting to campus has been impossible. I am living a weird kind of life right now- on the one hand, I have all the trappings of my goal around me- notes, VERY IMPORTANT WORKS, interview transcripts, and a draft in progress. They are all nestled in a life that recalls my childhood- which bills get paid this month, which can slide. . .electric? Yes, because they can (and will) cut off service for non payment. Mortgage? Yes, have to, but OMG how will I pay for my insurance? Car or health? Despite being on the state program, I was hit with a $144 per week payment(they give it to you in weeks, you know, so you can see it is not so bad), food? Where can I get that? Sheesh. . .
I know it is a rite of passage to be a poor grad student. . .but dammit, I am not in this alone. And with all the gloom and doom in the job market, well, I am at a loss. It is not writer's block- I am writing just fine, it is a soul block- like I have poured all of this time and effort into something that may not even mean much more than a decoration for my frig. . .

I just have to believe that I have come this far, and that maybe, just maybe things will work out for the best. . .for the kids- I carry on. . . like the water I love so much, just go with it. . .

Today

Hanging on for dear life. . .in a good way. . .

Seemed a perfect time for random thoughts-

I am not liking the weather lately- wish spring would really arrive

My dogs are so different, between the 2 of them I have 1 complete dog. Casey is smart but acts more like a cat- aloof and never one to snuggle

Twitch. . .a big dofus but so darn lovey dovey- he is huge and yet loves to flop on anyone's lap. Gives big slobbery kisses and is actually more dog. . .

I have a lot of work to do, but I am distracted

I am officially "overqualified" for 3 of the jobs I applied for. . .

Back to work:)

Sweet Life

L'Chaim (to lives, not life, plural)

Fall to pieces, put them back together

Funny how a sudden shock can really make your worldview change. A classmate of mine died Sunday. Not sure how, does it matter? No, not really, but what hit me the hardest is that for the past few weeks I have been struggling with something I have never EVER struggled with before. . .

I wanted to give up.

Yes, you read that right, I wanted to give up and just let things go- no more fighting anything anymore, just surrender. Convinced myself that it was just too hard to keep fighting when drama and stressors were all piling on me and everywhere I looked someone had their hand out and needed me to fix something. The more I fixed things, the more broken I felt, I just could never ever find a place where I could just relax for a bit. I was/am the rock, and I could feel myself crumbling. So many things at once- stress over work, everyday issues that just come up, the clutch on my car going out, oh and the outliers, both mine and my partner. The "relationship" between the ex and myself continues to be a major source of strain on me, especially on the issue of child support and the actual cost of having children, oh and the visitation schedule has become a guessing game. The partner's ex lying about living arrangements and personal issues. . . Yet, these reasons for that hopeless and lost mindset that I had seem so unimportant now, pointless. I almost let go, and actually thought I was being noble. I had gotten used to my kids asking why I always looked sad, and I had the pat answer down "I'm not sad, I'm tired." They knew I was sad, they just never knew why. . .for that I am grateful.

Then I heard about Sue yesterday.

Now I did not know Sue that well after school, I left school junior year- but, we worked together for a time when I was still a nurse, a lifetime ago. She was blunt, and funny, and well, I like that in a person. She was an amazing caretaker for the residents and was an ally and a friend to those in her care. I do not know the details of her death, really not my business, nor is the loss for me anywhere close to what her family and close friends are feeling right now. What hits me the most is that she was larger than life in school- a total icon for the unconventional girl of the 1980s. No flirting with fashions like the Boy Toy crap, nor was she totally preppy in her dress- her look was about her as a person, not as a statement of any kind. It is funny how that image of her is what fuels the feeling of loss I have now. Not in the painful and intense way that I know those who were close to her are struggling with now- nothing like that, but yet, it is the loss of this iconic person from my past that snapped me out of whatever the hell was draining my fight right out of me. Finances are always going to be a struggle, not just for me, for a lot of people. How self centered I was just 24 hours ago. . .thinking that it was better to just let go and hope that life would get better if I gave up. Feeling guilty about the way I thought is fleeting. I have wasted too much time in self pity, and the time for that is never. Despite a lot of victories, I confess to horrific tunnel vision. . .and it almost cost me everything.
Sue, the worst part of all of this is that I never had a chance to tell you how much I admired you in school and at work. I look to the people who are helping Precious through his life, and they all share your qualities- you understood that it was more important to help people define themselves with what they could do, not by their limitations. There is nothing I can do now to let you know that, but I can promise you that I will not let another minute go by that I don't live life, and I will get busy living, and forget about getting busy dying. I now have another debt to you that I cannot repay to you personally, and I am so sorry that you are gone so soon, too soon. I pray your family finds comfort somehow
Sue, I hope you have found peace, and I think of your family at this time. I am ashamed that it took your loss to realize how close I was to losing. I will not get that close again, I promise you and my kids.

Game on. . .let's do this. . .Time to Mom up as only a November woman can. . .

Training

Something interesting about physical training for an event, it makes you start to evaluate other things in your life and makes things organized. I highly recommend it!

Letting go

Funny how things work out- seems so trite, but at the same time, it really is odd to examine life and realize that many of the life lessons you were SUPPOSED to learn, do actually matter, and do actually have to be faced.

In a million years, I never thought that I would be in this place at this time, but I am very thankful that I have survived it, and now, since I know I am OK, I can share what has been damn near killing me for months. . .ready? It's a jaw dropper. . .

At this point in my life, where so MUCH is AMAZING, where all the things that I knew were eventually going to happen, a new life, a FREAKING FELLOWSHIP, progress in my writing, and even a much more relaxed household, I was suddenly gripped with something very VERY odd, and to be brutally honest, puzzling. . .out of nowhere, I had to face the feelings that I had been ignoring so long- the ones attached to the implosion of my first marriage.

I know, right? It has literally been years- and I really never did "go over it" in my "soul" and "put things into perspective. . .until the last health crisis hit over the end of summer into fall. . .then it hit. Like a ton of bricks. . .and I realized I had to make some sort of sense of it all, and it had to be fair, and it had to be honest. . .but it also had to be the LAST FREAKING TIME I WASTED TIME ON IT. With ground rules set, I was ready to go.

So, I think the start of this came when I had to face death- you only get so many get out of death free(ha!) cards in dealing with health, so when this last one hit, I had to face the fact that it could be the time I had to decide if I wanted to fight the good fight, or use the time I had left to make good memories, polish off the Bucket list and go from there. That was the easy part- the hard part was imagining my kids being raised by their father. And so it began, in order to find peace, I had to really go back and sort through the mess that was that break up, in order to determine if I really felt they would be in good hands if I was not around.

Whew- that sucked. . .BIG TIME. . .

My children are are so precious to me, I have tried so hard to be a mom, strong, fearless, and to lead by example. . .what kind of example would their dad be? Which is why I had to force myself to be fair, but honest.

When all of this began, the kids were so young, I was still fat and healthy, and well, to be honest, the fact that he was cheating on me was heartbreaking. I mean REALLY??? Give me an existential BREAK! I resolved NOT to trash talk him. . .to the kids. . .and once things were over, I did not wonder about his life beyond my children's well being. Who he dated, what he did with his life was and still is not my concern. I admit that I am grateful to Karma in that his life is not working out the way I think he thought it would, because I am human, and what he did to me and our family was inhumane, but I digress. I know there was enough drama to last a lifetime, but I also seriously thought that if I just ignored it, it would not affect me. . .

Epic Fail on my part

Because it DID affect me, and by pretending it did not, I was wasting a ton of energy in not dealing with it, and when I started losing energy, the effort became too much, and out it came, the anger, the hurt, the hate, the fear, the loathing for him and myself, at the mess, at the charade that I let myself live, that I was seriously stupid for staying as long as I did, and scared of losing everything because I did not stay for the money (hey I said honest) Child support is kind of a misleading term. What I am getting now is "child can live in their home for another month" because despite his income, he pays only that amount. Period. End of discussion. Let's just say that kids cost a lot more than he knows, and he makes a LOT more than I do. . .percentage wise he pays 17% of his income to support the kids- I contribute 100% of my income and have full custody. . .I'm not super good at math, but hey, there it is.

I also know this about their dad- he is SUPER concerned with appearances and status. So, if nothing else, he will not want to suck at parenting if I die, he will do it up well, or die trying, so on that issue I was reassured. In addition, I have 3 adult sons now- and I know they will step up and be there for their siblings and each other if the battle goes ill. . .so that was semi resolved.

The money thing is a huge stress-Financial ruin is a powerful tool for motivation to graduate, to get out quick and "get a real job" but in the middle of this stupid process I made one of the best decisions ever- with a lot of help from certain people in my life (yes YOU Yoda) I decided to concentrate on producing a great dissertation, not a fast graduation date. And that, to paraphrase Frost, has made all of the difference.

So, kids are going to be ok, I have made the decision to write great words, all done right?

Nope. . .there was one more thing,

ummmm how to be in a good marriage

I had never been in one, and one would think that finally being in one would be the best on the job training. . .

Nope- not at all

So, while I knew, deep down, that I was not to blame for the way I was treated (no really I knew it on some abstract level) at the same time, I did not know how to handle being CARED FOR. . .

Seriously I had no clue

Someone who made coffee for me in the morning

Remembered I hate cut flowers because I don't want them to die on my account

who loves metal concerts as much as I do

who has never laid a hand on me except to hug me or help me in and out of the car (!!!!)

who loves to hold hands

who tells me every day he is lucky to have me

Who sends random texts about missing me but never calls me at work unless it is an emergency

I could go on, but you get the point.

Because of who he is, and who I am, it was clear I had to get over something. . .I had to stop seeing his efforts as a sign of my weakness

Whaaa?

Yep, you read that right- weakness! From the get go, I was raised to believe in being strong, never depending on anyone, even (maybe especially?) family, because in the end, you only had yourself to count on. . .or blame.

Then this relationship happened. And it was time to get things squared away. After a lot of patience and honesty, I am finally able to say- I can count on someone other than myself- and I am trying hard to be more forthcoming when I need help instead of waiting until I am half dead to ask for a bit of help. For a while, such action was an odd test of strength for me- no matter what, I was making to work. . .but after all this I want more, I want to make it rock star awesome- and this was a good start.

Because now I know- it was never about me being worthless- it was about me not seeing the things I did do well as valuable. The comments from teachers about how wonderful my kids were in school was part of who I am, the endless IEPs and planning for summer sessions for all the kids, the trips to the museum, the walks the beach, these were not just things I did for the kids, they defined the kind of person I am to them- I have made memories and provided a foundation for them to grow on, and while I plan on rocking out at my grandchildren's weddings, I feel a bit more a peace about things.

While the work on my nonassertiveness training continues, it is much better, and well, all I can say now is. . .let's DO THIS!!!!!!!

Ahhh yes. . .

Hello. . .I am going to try to blog more, I really think that there is something I get from blogging that just is not possible on Facebook.

Things under the umbrella are holding steady- I have been documenting my holiday misadventures, so hopefully you can see that while Christmas 2.0 was improved over the past one. . .I am still a rookie on it:)

One of the things I am focused on now is my dissertation. . .it is a both burden and blessing, and after initial setbacks, you know the usual mindset I have that I should be an expert first time out, and a steady diet of humble pie(no really, try sitting across from someone less than half your age and know he is a better writer than you. . .not enough whipped cream in the WORLD to sweeten that up!) I am hoping to have the rest done very soon.

I am eating, breathing, sleeping and all other biological functions this dissertation. . .and will keep you posted.

The kids are well-we had birthdaypalooza- Cocoa turned 10, Precious 12, and KIA will be a whopping 22 years old on New Year's Eve. . .

more later

Poor neglected Blog

I have been silent- but with good and well, sort of sucky, reasons. Bullet points as I have a chapter of my dissertation almost done, bringing the total to 2, and the introduction is almost done. . .

Kids are great- and I am hoping the school year is going to go well

I got sick again this summer, did an almost complete round of treatment, and feel much better now than I did in August, seriously, most of the month, up until about the last week or so, I felt totally awful

Not sure how I feel about the cooler weather this early

The puppy is doing fine, but he is HUGE

My family members in Florida are moving away from their crappy situation and will be much better off with a fresh start in a state that is not imploding. . .I am very happy

I am starting to get my credentials together for a real job. . .:)

Such stuff as dreams are made on- The Bard. . .

Dreams- so much symbolism to them, yes? Of course yes, and yet what exactly are they? Who has them and do "they" every come true?

I would not presume to know how others feel, but I will be honest, I was and to theis day, still am a practical dreamer.

Practical in the sense that if I imagine something, and there is anyone else that needs to do something to make that dream reality, it is strictly second tier. Dreams that happen are the ones that depend on how willing you are to make them happen, and rely on an assessment of yourself. Properly applied, you can have a great deal of accuracy predicting which dreams come true and which ones are also ran.

Ah, but it is not a perfect method, because the wild card is always there, waiting to trump you, and leave you sputtering in helpless helplessness. . .cursing yourself for forgetting the first rule of dreaming- only dream big if you and you alone are the key success.

I admit, I was hoping against the cynical foundation that my dream machine is built upon, that just this once, I could actually count on someone. I was wrong.

While many may believe that they are living the dream, I am one who lives to dream, but only on my terms. . .

Cyber Crime- cruelest cut, viscious byte AKA How autocorrect killed my computer

I vented a post or 1 ago that I wanted to kill/maim/punish my cell phone- calling out It who cannot/must not be named. . .aka autocorrect for ruining my life with its perverted and rather sick/gross sense of humor. . .
Autocorrect took vengeance today and killed my computer- put out a contract and my poor little VIAO now hibernates with the cyber fishes, taking the epic fail nap, the blue screen of death. . .you know the drill.
By most nefarious of collusion- autocorrect, with its replacing sweet kisses to my sweetie with the name of the former Pakistani president (MUAHS becomes Musharraf) texts HIGHLY inappropriate missives to both my children (hey did you have your math test today to my 13 year old became hey sis your ass smell good today, as well as a text telling my 17 year old that his dad was here was changed to your dad is heterosexual. My 26 year old was most blessed to get my message where I meant to ask him if he was eating out by himself, and autocorrect, the silly bitch, sent the question if he was eating himself) as well as my sweetie (when asking him if he was having a good time, autocorrect sent a text asking him to have an orgy), but I digress
Curse you autocorrect- you did contract with the Notorious WPL and did send an evil surge into my home, and killed my poor surge protected computer. Curse you Curse you. . .
RIP Stalwart VIAO- you will be avenged! Rest assured, I will find away to transplant your great cache of data, and I will have my work to date on my dissertation no matter what it takes. . .and in some subtle way, I will figure out how to honor your memory. . .sniff, sob, a pox on autocorrect!

Bad backs, Bad Karma, and heat oh my

Not sure where to start- back out and in, kids are restless, I have so much work to do on every part of my life, school, house, life-and just when the lousy weather was looking to be my ally- it got hotter than anything we've seen so far, which leads the kids to want the beach. ALL.THE.TIME. . .
Ordinarily not a problem, but I have work, dissertation and oh yes, this bad back that makes sitting, walking, laying down, standing up, well, every move can feel like getting zapped with a cattle prod. . .so we wait on things and I just continue to work as much as I can.
Hope your summer is going well, and I am trying to do what I can to improve my kid's summer life- last year was so much more planned, this year summer feels like it snuck up on me, and now I'm flailing. . .sigh
Back to work. . .

Is temporary insanity a good defense when you want to kill your cell phone?

I have a cell phone, and I can list a LOT of reasons why they are great- however, I can also list many reasons why I am plotting the demise of mine. . .and depending on the day, the methodology involved varies on degree of damage, from say a cracked screen to total destruction.

I plead insanity because autocorrect is provoking me in ways that defy description. Yes, there is a site, here that shows the merriment of such situations. . .but the emotions one feels when it actually happens to you. . .not really coming through. . .

I know now how the poor victims of autocorrect feel. When texting my son KIA about supper, I instructed him to put some "frozen piss" into the oven. . .yes, and when I attemped to correct my statement, the menu had changed once again, this time "fuckweazel" was to be placed in the oven (here is the best part) at a toasty 400 degrees for 15 minutes. Ummm yum?

Then my son Muffin age 17, was no where to be found so I texted him the message "Olga, are you heterosexual?" when I was asking him if he was here. . .yes, let the countdown to therapy begin!

Then when attempting a double message to each of the above mentioned sons at once, with a 7.5 degree of difficulty for women my age attached- I joyously told them "Fuck you" when I meant to say love you. . .then when I tried to say the phone was a pain in the ass, it autocorrected it to a pain in the aside. . .at which point, I carefully put the phone down. . .when all I wanted to do was rocket it across the room.

For now it is safe, I need it more than I can imagine. However-it should tread lightly. . .

Because I feel the need to show my kids are still doing ok:)

Yay for throwing sharp things when you are 13

His mother's child- Rawk ON Butter!

Can you guess where we are? (hint look at Butter's headgear)

Arrrrrrrrr(another hint)

What?

Waking moments

Yes- I am alive, actually doing well, but realize I need to be blogging more. No challenges no preset topics, just have to get back to using this blogs as I intended, to be complete.

I am glad to have such a great opportunity to learn, and I will share more with you in the future.

Goodness long time and wow people can really suck

So, I love reading blogs from all over, and different topics and from diverse groups. I came across one that tried (ahem) to discuss the current push in SF to ban circumcision. . .yup- ban it, so Jewish mothers like me would be breaking the law if we practiced our religion and SF Jews will lose that freedom. One of the comments was very schadenfreude- talking about NY and the gay marriage issue- she said something along the lines of hey wonder how those Jews (Orthodox) feel. . .esp since they were against gay marriage. . .WTF???
Sorry but hypocrisy is an equal opportunity condition, don't bitch about not having rights then smirk when faced with another group losing theirs. . .really??? I tried to comment, but of course the debate was cut off(bahahaha yes pun intended) and since I respect bloggers I did not press the issue but DAMMIT- really? You are being denied rights and you try to tell me that having a group outside of yours lose rights is ok because some members of that group oppose you then to hell with their religious freedom????
Wow STFU with that nonsense!

May Day

So much continues to happen- I live the life, but I cannot keep up with the changes at times, especially now- but since I am sick of bullet points, I will attempt to compose a lovely post. . .

The situation with my nieces has gotten worse- and it just may be that I am not going to be able to help- my sister in law attacked my relative while drunk and then when my brother pulled her off, she accused him of abusing her. She now wants a divorce so bringing the kids here may not be possible- since it would be over state lines, he is in Florida where I am thinking those girls will have to be half dead before the state takes them from their mom. . .we will wait and see.

Work is very good- I am making real progress on my dissertation, and have 5 interviews lined up with 3 more possible(one even has PICTURES) YAY- on the PA work, I admit I am having a lot of fun driving around town and remembering the information I gathered about certain areas. . .it is really amazing to see your work around you. . .

Life otherwise? Well, it is what it is, you do what you have to and make the best of it. I cannot say I am all in favor of a long distance marriage, but it really does make you appreciate the time you do spend together. . .

Passover was very VERY hard this year! I was not feeling the best, and matzah was not helping, since my issue was not related to a tummy issue(had that earlier) All I can say is that I am a Passover wimp and I feel that Matzah is truly the bread of affliction. . .

The kids are all doing well. Precious is just amazing and he will be in regular classes in middle school next year, he is just such a person now, his personality and his sense of humor are growing strong and he is just such a great kid.

Cocoa is looking forward to summer. She likes school, but hit the wall this year about "cursive" writing. . .she really can't sit still long enough to complete it and whines about it a LOT. . .I will be glad to not have to fight her for the summer:)

Butter is having a great year, and I am very sad that he will not move on to play next year. He has decided his musical days are over, and I can't push him, he did his best, but his heart is not in it, so I will let him move on. . .

Muffin is doing better, still conflicted, but better off than he was, I am glad to see him more relaxed and laughing more. . .

KIA- well, he is well, and I am very VERY proud of him:)

As for the times we live in, all I can say is WOW and OUCH and Daaaamn- I never thought I would see the day that people would actualy drive less when gas prices shot up this high. . .maybe we are on to something:)

More later. . .

Deviance and Bliss

So, I have been missing lately, there are good reasons so let's get to it shall we? Ok, first and probably most important(you will freak when you see the other points) I have IRB approval and I am ready to go! I have 6 yes SIX people who want to talk to me. . .and I am thrilled. The Archives yield such awesome stuff, and I am just loving my dissertation. . . how much you ask? Enough to relegate my MARRIAGE/Elopement to second place. I make no apologies. I have been on this quest to get this degree longer than I've known him, so bah, it works. Yes, I got married- it made sense, he will be living with me soon(no, you read that right, we have not lived together yet) and well, to be honest, I am concerned. I have spent a LOT of time becoming who I am. . .me I Ema. I have made choices, done things made plans, and know now that while I am glad, of course, that I chose to marry him, I realize there are still many areas for concern. He is in his hometown in order to secure custody of his child. So we live 131 miles apart. Gas prices and money as it is, we meet about once a month. Sometimes twice(yay Christmas) and well, it was working well(no really in one way it was) The way it was working is this, I realize that after 4 years of calling my own shots. . .I am wondering about having someone around all.the.time. Do not get me wrong, he is awesome, and so chill and sweet, but at the end of the day I am. . .not. I NEED my leave me alone to work my tail off and crank the tunes times. The "OMG this is an amazing piece of history" moments. . .oh oh, SOOOOO hope I have not forgotten what it means to be a "couple." I am worried, I admit. I am so damn close to this, and wonder if I have it in me to be a "wife" right now. . .yes I know shitty timing but well, there it is, true to form. I know I want to be a wife, but can I be a wife? Hmmmm, I know from our conversations that he gets the quirks of me- the "leave me the hell alone I can do this myself" me. What I wonder is if he can be husband to such a wife. . .I think he can, but as I get better and G-d forbid as I decline healthwise, I wonder. . .am I ready to let myself trust someone to help? Yoda, my beloved advisor, has shown me many MANY times that she has my best interests at heart as I get this degree. Mz. Zz has too, as has Laura and many others. . .so has he but funny I find myself asking "to what end?" He knows my job search goes national in less than a year, he says he understands that in light of his custody battle(he had primary sole physical placement, the mom has hours to visit 2 days a week, no overnights because of her life partner choice) but does he know that when(see not if, WHEN) I get a job my kids and I are gone. . .and he has to decide if he comes with or if he can. . .he says he does, we have discussed it at length, but well, if I told you he was supposed to be moved in BEFORE the wedding, would that clue you in about the situation(he is still not moved in remember btw) So- in lieu of more whining I give this open letter to the strong souls of the world- It is hard to be a strong soul in a weak world. Do not give in to the idea that you NEED anyone, be strong. And if someone does venture in, slowly, take it easy and see how you do. . .and know I understand. I understand the wish the hope that some day you will have someone to share your work and all it's passion with, in minute detail. Hold out, stay the course and wait for someone who fits the bill- I could have had a number of people in my life- but in the end I had to realize and to decide on things, and well, they did not make the cut. Not family, but people who, for on reason or another, could not did not inspire in me the will to make them a part of life. I know you will wonder- as I do, can I handle NOT being alone. For as much as I wanted to share life with someone, there is a certain pride and dare I say purpose to knowing and remembering you can really only rely on yourself. . .but it is a lonely life- and as I read the Facebook pages of my friends, I see how much even the most independent of friends can and do have a life with someone they love- and I became aware of this idea of "lonely." I was always a HUGE fan of alone time, still am and plan on having it daily. But lonely is having a world to share and no one in it, I could tell the kids, but to what end? So as I saw my friends and their lives, I was aware that I did want to have such a thing. . .and here we are Strong Souls- we will always be strong, and while I admit to a certain degree of pride in fighting my illness and my life alone, savoring each rise from relapse and such as a victory, I have to say that I am hoping the future will be bright, and the path a bit smoother. . .hope for a strong soul.

So, yes a few things

Well, it seems the family situation is getting finalized, with an estimated June arrival for my nieces- who will be 9 and 3 by then. . .sheesh. The oldest niece will be going to her bio dad, so that will be one more adjustment- just call us the Adjustment family. . .that is all my little family and I do these days!

More adjustments- I am planning an October wedding, yes after finally trusting that this guy is really up for the task, and understands in terrible detail, what it means to be around a sick person. . .the unfortunate details like nosebleeds that are epic, and oh yes spitting up blood and oh the wonderful events associate with a pIc line. . .infections and occlusions. . .well, he earned it- so I said yes, and the rest as they say is history, or no, wait, it will be future:)

The kids are cycling sick now- stomach bug and all- just want spring to arrive, so sick of the snow and cold. . .

In final news, our puppy is insane. Casey is doing well keeping him in his place and I am getting him fixed at the end of the month. . .until then, he is a terror:)

Will post pics later- have been sick myself so nothing really to report. . .